Disorder

All of this just cant be ignored,
you say its me
but you're the failure
proving it over and over...

You say that its unfair
but whilst destroying me
you didn't seem to care...

I fell to the ground
and you simply stopped to stare,
the word is "bulimia"
and yes, its a disorder
that I fight each day
of my lonely life....

i look in the mirror and cant take what I see,
so I go slit my wrists...
I have a need to bleed.
then I'll go run for a while
and put on my "happy" smile...

it leads to a life that is oh so fake
I faint on a regular basis
everything is at stake...
my health is low,
my self esteem is gone...
its the disorder I thought
I could control,
its the sickness that has stolen my soul...

I have scars on my hand
from sticking my finger down my throat,
I constantly feel pain
that just never lets go...
it has a tight grip on my already pain filled life.
I can assure you that it doesn't help...

In the end its nothing but a cover up to kill yourself,
just in case you didn't know
a disorder does not equal glamor,
it equals mundane pain,
it causes you to walk into a room and feel so ashamed.

For this disease you become a slave,
you get lost in it
and have no escape...
it will cause you to lie,
it will cause you to hurt the ones you love...
it will destroy you in all aspects
both physical and emotional.
It will block your mind and leave you blind
to its painful results...

Bulimia is a disorder
that destroys you from the inside out,
the things you do to be beautiful are insane
and instead of the happiness promised
you receive nothing but pain.
You hate yourself
you hate your life...
You curse those around you
who lie and say it will be alright.

Now that you know less than a fraction
of what an eating disorder is like
I hope this poem will make anyone contemplating
bulimia change their mind...