Scratching

All of my new pains,
They are bringing me closer to Truth.
It is all so bittersweet.
Snow on the dirt,
Watching it melt from white to brown.
It is this sudden brightness,
Stepping outside on a Sunday morning.
The pain in my eyes,
The pressure in my head,
It's seeing something beautiful
And hurting from the sight.
It's that pang when you finally
Are done with a work of art.
Knowing that it is great
But knowing it is finished.
A certain new knowledge was gained.
A new tear ripped into my skin.
A new scar to be.
But it is that insatiable thirst,
That intolerable want, a sadist.
A new itch arrives.
A blemish on the wall,
Right where your picture used to be.
It reminds me of what I threw away.
And every time I fail
I can't help but tell myself that
It's not okay.
It's not okay.
All of these different lessons,
They leave me so cold today.
But hope is tomorrow.