Home isn't where your heart is.

It is dark outside now.
I have yet to be prepared for closed eyes and silence.
I've been trying to get people to tell me , what i need and what i do not.
who i should love and how much for how long.

from outside my head it seems as though I'm trying to convince myself to be someone else, someone accomplished, someone confident. someone who fills their day with meaning and good intention.
smiles and sneers.

Please, less awkward feeling, unraveling, hope stealing, incapability.
Let's feel like we used to baby, nice and warm.
I, at least am terrified I no longer know how to feel.
the two have become etched the same in my head despite the locks.

My belt is as t i g h t as I want it to be.

i should be able to face the static in my head.
I've taken to organizing the collection of things filling my pants pocket instead.

i want to write and write and I get next to nothing.

i feel as if i am falling to pieces.
i think, though, that tomorrow will feel less desolate.
it's 10:00 and i want to be too much in love again.