Warwick Avenue

Hmm, I really liked this poem. The wording and flow was great. However the flow would be even better it you were split the 1st stanza into 3 stanzas instead. It would help flow better into the last stanza. Other then that this poem was great and different. I gave it a 5/5 for those reasons. Keep up the good work =)

"Whose homes these are I wish I knew."
Whose homes these are, I wish I knew.

"I have been searching for a year
..I've murdered almost half the town"
See the beginning of the lines, I have and I've.
I think both should be I've.

"Love you are my shining crown"
Love, you..

"That stole you while you wore your gown"
That stole you while wearing your gown ?
Reduces the number of you 's.

"Love I found you once again."
Love, I ...

You're speaking to someone, it's almost like having a letter start with "Dear Boris how are you" and "Dear Boris, how are you"

This was nearly a dark poem more than a love poem, however the final four lines made it a love poem.

I'm not for filler words like "love", unless they're used in a very sarcastic context. Although your poem makes the Love seem like a thing that you found, rather than a person so it's okay =]

I like the story that this has, and the ending, a little predictable, but still very fitting. Good work, 5/5.

jess ~

"Whose homes these are I wish I knew.
They hold my love however shrew."

^^ I like these opening lines, you portray mystery and drama right from the start which leaves me intrigued (sp?) and wanting to find out what's oing to happen further on in the piece.

"The homes are falling very fast.
They fall on Warwick Avenue.
I have been searching for a year
And my quest has ended here."

^^ I don't like the fillers in the last two lines..I don't think you really need them, maybe:

Been searching for a year
This quest has ended here?

Or something similar..I just think it flows a little better without the filler words (I, the, and, you etc)

"I've murdered almost half the town
Only hoping you are near.
Love you are my shining crown
Without you I would surely drown.
I spilled the blood of all the men
That stole you while you wore your gown."

^^ I really like these lines, because they go from dark to loving and back to dark again, and it makes for a powerful effect on the piece.

"Love I found you once again.
And was chilled by your pale skin.
I kissed you on your gorgeous face.
"Love, it's time to leave this place." "

^^ Again, you move swiftly from dark tones in the previous stanza and onto loving in this one and the transistion clearly works well, creating a variety of emotions for the reader.

However, I thought that the ending was somewhat weak, while the rest of the piece was strong.

Other than that, I liked this.

Very interesting poem..
i like the flow to it. and again your rhyme is amazing.

"I've murdered almost half the town
Only hoping you are near."
this is my favorite part because it shows that for love you'll do anything and destroy anyone that gets in your way to finding true LOVE...

**Ada**
*aBSwaBHiaPL*

This poem is really dark, but it also writes about love so i liked the contrast.

i thought that how you told a story all blended in so well.

well written poem.