I don’t know what to do,
I just want to be there with you.
But how can I when so many people keep us apart.
I want to stand next to you,
Every day and night.
I want to be able to comfort you,
When you do it so often for me.
Yet sometimes when I need it the most,
You aren’t there.
When I really need you to be there for me,
You aren’t there and I don’t know what to get you to be then.
I think that at times I’m not always there for you.
I don’t mean to be,
I just don’t know how to help or what to do so I keep quiet.
I don’t know what to say,
There are so many things I want to tell you,
I just can’t bring myself to do it.
I want to tell you I need you.
I want to tell you I care.
I want to say things that are comforting to you when you need it,
I want to be able to say things to make everything better
I just don’t know what those things are.
I don’t understand myself.
Why can I not do such simple things?
Things that can go such a long way
And mean so much to some.
I don’t know what to feel,
So many emotions running through me
I always feel like I am not good enough for you.
I’m scared to think that when we meet,
You won’t like what you see.
I’m scared of being rejected by you and what would happen if I am.
I’m scared to lose you since you’re all I have left.
But seeing you in front of me fills me with joy.
I know I can never be lost when I’m with you.
I know who I am and I know that my love for you is true.
Yet I feel as if I should give up,
To just let go of everything and throw it all away.
I have nothing left anymore,
I don’t know why I should keep feeling as if I should stay.
I don’t know what to think,
So many thoughts running through my mind.
Many different things going all at once.
I don’t understand why you chose me over everyone you could have had.
I don’t understand why you chose me at all.
Am I really worth everything?
Am I really worthy of your love?
Am I really worth anything at all?
Is everything I have worth staying?
Is everything I have worth keeping?
Is everything I am anything at all?
I don’t know what to see,
So many things surrounding me.
I look around for things I know.
Much of it I can’t see.
It’s like I’m looking through a fog.
Yet everything so much different from what it’s next to.
Everywhere I turn something new.
But everything I look at is not what I want to see.
I want to see you standing there next to me.
I don’t know why I bother anymore,
Everything always goes against me.
I try to cry out to others for help,
But all I am is shut up.
No one truly cares anymore.
I don’t get why I try.
Every attempt is an even stronger one than the last,
Every attempt just hurts me more.
Every attempt pulls me in deeper,
Every attempt pushes me farther away.
