My fever never broke

You never let me call you by your real name
standing in the doorway naked, smiling, but not at me.
Instead you offered me swarthy alternatives
but I was just a scared boy, lost in your games.

Unaffectedly, you told me all would be ok.
I was heating up like an iron, my fever never broke.
My heart was left behind, locked in my room for safety.
I didn't speak a word, my fever never broke.

I didn't understand your violent behavior.
I didn't want to understand you, never your violence.
It was the only time you smiled, but it was not at me.
It was the only time you spoke, but it was not to me.

You were lost in your own games, they weren't fun.
I thought they were meant to be, until you touched me.
You never let me know you, if there ever was a you.
I was just a confused boy, violated by your games.

Your eyes were vassal, filled with nothing.
I remember it was always day, but the sun was hiding.
You offered up to me only darkness, cold darkness.
I didn't understand, why my fever never broke.

*this is about abuse. sexual, physical, emotional, psychological... they all kinda go hand in hand, no? i can remember i always felt like i was burning up inside and just wanted it all to end.