Something's Wrong

by Sorinity   Sep 18, 2008


Again in memory of a very good friend:
=========================

How do you not see it,
do you not want to
or maybe you just ignore it?

Doesn't my crying tell you,
do you not listen
or doesn't matter since it isn't you?

I try to tell you some thing's wrong
to bad you don't ever listen,
you won't let me finish, I'm 'wrong.'

I try to show you things aren't right,
look at my clothes, wrists and face
but you always have to be 'right.'

Why can't you open your eyes,
then you'd see the puddle around me,
too bad it's not from my eyes.

Now close your mouth & listen,
there are many things I have to say
so now is your turn to listen.

Oh well, this no longer bothers me
just know one day soon I'll be gone
I'll be with Johnny... just him & me.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Lindsay

    This poem... it is not clear, I dont really get a feel for its meaning or the situation it is describing. Also, I commend you for playing with rhyme a bit, but a lot of your sections seem very false... almost as if you forced them just so that you could repeat the word you were trying to use. I also find that technique a little ineffective.
    As well, your shift in attitude near the end was dissapointing. Try making it longer! dont worry, us poem enthusiasts love a good long read now and then.
    Keep writing, keep improving, and most importantly: keep expressing yourself!

  • 15 years ago

    by Kimberley

    Ohmygoodnessssssssssss!! love it!! nice flow and wonderful rythmes (dont knowif i spelt that correct). keep it up! KM

  • 15 years ago

    by xxxStarSxxx

    *claps* I see a pattern! Yay! This is by far your best poem. Though you have a few gramatical errors, it doesn't take away from the message of this powerful poem. Nice work!

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