Out of the Ashes

by Shinobi   Oct 13, 2008


Shining sun couldn't tell if it's true
Glowing moon was painted in blood
So was the pain, the greatest you knew
Falling tears grow to be a devastating flood

Someone beneath a mask seems perfect at first
Deceiving ones heart to the edge of despair
Someone you thought you'll love the most
Caused such a pain no one should ever bare

Playing with your mind but now revealed
Couldn't think of you as worthy enough
Comments like swords stabbed deep inside
Life as we knew it, was never so rough

Realizing the truth I hope you understand
The kind of people you should withstand
Gather your strength for this is the end
Such a shallow being could never be a friend

Your perfect body gleams to the moonlight
A radiant smile spreads over your gentle face
The most beautiful girl, a marvelous sight
His aching words should never bring you disgrace

Bracing a new beginning for a wounded heart
Longing for a better future let us prey
For realizing now you're someone special
A new start awaits with each embracing new day

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Melanie, you're perfect just the way you are.
Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    This is incredibly sweet . I've been in your friend's situation , and it was the ones who really loved me who pulled me out . Flawless flow , and such good wording and imagery . The only thing is the one stanza where the rhyme scheme changes . You should really change that , I don't like it . 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Stephanie

    "Shining sun couldn't tell if it's true
    Glowing moon was painted in blood"
    - I love the imagery that you created in 'shining sun' and 'glowing moon', it was very eye catching and it definitely hooked me onto the poem.

    "Life as we knew it, was never so rough"
    - I feel as if the comma in this line isn't needed. It sort of breaks up the flow a little bit.

    But other than that, I feel as if you did a marvelous job on this one. To be quite honest, I think I prefer this poem better. :] Everything was beautifully written and the imagery and your wording blew me away. A well deserved 5/5.

    Take care,
    Stephanie

  • 15 years ago

    by ether

    This is a really cute poem. I like how it was written and the message in it. I hope Melanie appreciates this :)
    I think that this poem would benefit from less filler words and focus in more on making the sylabols in the lines the same, or close.
    Other than that, this is good. You have great vocab in this and you paint good images, 5/5

    jess ~