Looking for Love in all the Wrong Bedrooms (Long)

Prologue

I have gasoline insides,
Just waiting for your fire.
We'll be warm deep down
But there isn't any happiness.

Not sure what it is I want,
Your million dollar smile
Turned to plastic in an instant,
Now that we're alone.

Yet I know, this isn't what I want
So zip up your pants and
Wipe that look off your face
It's not going to happen again.

Chapter 1

If everyone acted like you
Our morgues would be full,
So thanks for giving people jobs,
But that's as far as I go.

Maybe I lost myself somewhere
Along the road, along the way,
Between cigarette kisses,
Goodbye glances: no second chances.

Too many people wear smiles
Street talk tells me it's in fashion,
They all come off, at night in the dark.
Security of a bedroom floor.

Rain water isn't salty for everyone,
Only for you and your plastic eyes,
I'd give you wings but you'd just fall,
The world knows you're no angel.

Perhaps you are playing your cards right
I can't even count what hand I'm on.
My hand only reads 'escape' five times over.
It's hard to decide whether this is fate.

A light is flashing at the back of my eyes
It's telling me 'do not pass go,
Do not collect yourself this time.'
If never together, how can you be apart?

All we live is a game of chance,
Some wasted and left for the crows.
Most used when they shouldn't be;
Second chances never work.

Chapter 2

Put the blame on the weather
That your bones are aching more,
More than they should but we know
Your head got a hold of them.

Remember we used to make fun
Of those birds that couldn't fly?
We called them flightless (joyless),
When really, we're no better.

Something is in the air today
Choking, overwhelming my senses
Threatening to bring insides out,
I'm mistaking it for emotions.

Thinking back to the songs we made,
Stupid rhymes and silly beats,
We thought we were better than everyone;
Yet there was something beyond all of that.

We hid parts of ourselves in melodies.
It was clever, I thought, exposing myself,
Telling you what I'd not dare to say normally.
I called you by an acronym of your name.

So in the years to come if I remember
Everything that is written here then
Maybe you were worth that little extra.
Other faces just don't stick when I'm with you.

Chapter 3

How many months ago was it now?
We walked down streets with wood pieces,
Black marker, scribbled letters "FREE HUGS"
We made more friends that day then I'd ever know.

Nothing is quite like inside jokes
Or sentences that warm from the mind.
Walked down the street with those signs,
We wanted to give people a chance to be loved.

With a smile on our faces weeks after,
Always saying 'free hugs are the best kinds of hugs',
It didn't matter that they were the only kind,
It mattered because we were giving the world a chance.

Chapter 4

"Ever felt like doing something stupid?"
You whispered in my ear and giggled,
I was helping you water the garden,
"Always" I replied. You smiled.

Dropping your hose and grabbing my arm,
You ran over to the swimming pool.
Right before I hit the water I was thinking,
This could be a shitty metaphor:

Something about the depths of passion,
Something about the way the hair clung to your neck,
And that gleam in your eye I couldn't trade.
I hadn't ever been in this deep before.

Now I know not to mistake chance for fate
If by chance I hadn't met you, I'd be better off.
Or maybe this is fate; I'd like it more if it wasn't.
Forgive me, please; I'm jumbling words, still learning.

Chapter 5

You said you could do it all,
Except percussion and bass.
So I asked you to sing for me
You still wonder why then, I stayed.

At that time I recalled someone saying,
"there's no such thing as too many memories".
Perhaps I believed that, although,
Now I feel that they are blinding.

The very first time you opened your mouth,
Singing that first note, it returned,
All the songs I used to sing, the memories.
My voice joined yours with negative ions.

Slightly negative your words reflect a past,
A love lost years ago that you haven't seen since.
All I was singing was an innocent love song,
Combined it came out all wrong, I should have escaped.

Chapter 6

"There's too much hope in the morning sunlight"
In my bed we awoke together, facing east.
Your bedroom doesn't face east, you don't get the sun.
Now I understand, a moment too late.

Out of sight but not out of mind,
There's a pushing in my stomach
And it's becoming harder to hide
Almost as though it's poison.

It all makes sense. You're a poison.
A cancer spreading through me,
And there's nothing that can be done now,
Nothing that can hold this together.

So I'll take my last steps toward you,
Falling short, or is it just an illusion?
You appear in the last second, my insides glowing,
Still, I smile, as if I know what's going to happen.

Epilogue

When we last met, I felt the spark that I'd craved this whole time laced with regret.
Ignited more than just my senses, the only chance we will ever get.
Perhaps by chance, perhaps by fate; left me burning from inside a tangled net,
This shouldn't have happened, but I now know it's easier to stay than escape and forget.