Cherry Blossoms (prose)

The cherry blossoms bring the only joy to this household, until Momma comes home. Momma hates cherry blossoms. She also hates the sound of laughter, dollhouses, vacations, and hot cocoa on stormy days.

She hates when Caroline wakes her in the night, crying to be fed. She yells at Caroline like she yells at me when I forget to clean up my cereal after breakfast. She says you're six, you should know better and slaps my hand hard.

She yells at Daddy too. But Daddy yells back. When they start to yell I always grab Caroline, hide out in my room, and let Caroline play in my dollhouse so she won't have to hear the sounds of Daddy being hurt by Momma.

Sometimes I like to pretend that it's Daddy doing all the hitting and that's why Momma's so cranky all the time.

Momma hits me too. She calls it spanking but I always thought spanking was supposed to be on the butt. I told her so once. She didn't like that. I had a big black spot on my bottom for a long time.

Momma wasn't always like this. I remember a long time ago when she used to hug us and give us kisses and put us to bed at night. Then one day I woke up and she was screaming, crying, and hitting the wall. Daddy says she couldn't handle her stressful life and just snapped. I asked him if someone could fix her. He hit me. He said, now's not the time to play games. I wanted to ask what I had been playing but didn't for fear of getting hit again.

Momma once mentioned God and I learned a little about Him the two times we went to church. All I know is that He loves me and He is everywhere. So I go out onto the roof after everyone's sleeping and I ask Him things. I ask Him what I did that was so bad. I ask Him to make the hurt in my chest go away. He never answers but somehow I know He's there. I feel Him sitting next to me. I see Him in the stars. Some nights I stand at the edge of the roof wondering what it would feel like to fly.

After a little while of sitting on the roof, I tiptoe downstairs to grab the cherry blossoms out of the trash and I redecorate the table. I do this every night and I dream Momma will wake up and remember she loves cherry blossoms. And I dream if Momma can love cherry blossoms she can love me. And every night I fall asleep smiling.