Mirror of the Past pt.2

Okay..can I just say..I LOVE this.

I found the content and concept to be original and unique, and I was hooked throughout the poem.

"May it be a task as to forgive,
Something so hard makes it easy to live.

Jesus himself forgiver of Sin.
Being so righteous, got himself done in"

^^ Wonderful opening lines, interesting, thought provoking, full of depth and emotion, wonderful way to hook your reader right from the start!

"Our own blood smears the mirror of past.
Ignorance forever staining our once untainted glass"

^^ I found the flow to be a little of here, maybe eliminate the our, so you have:

"Ignorance forever staining once untainted glass"

It seems to flow better for me that way.

"Faith dependent on heartless reactions,
Forgiving dependent on harmless actions.

Our world so cold and filled with hatrid.
Forgiving and loving, a remedy so sacred"

^^ This piece gets stronger and stronger throughout, and I actually don't want to stop reading I'm enjoying it so much.

"Wars of the world echo through time.
Breaking the glass held by only I"

^^ I think this would flow better if you changed it round so you had:

"Breaking the glass only held by I"
"They left me weak, But I will still stand strong.
Fighting so bravely, Do NOTHING wrong."

^^ I think if you changed the "do" to "doing" the flow would be flawless here.

"For as one slip, One miss, just one more sin.
Will break my last mirrior, held so closely within.

And as the shards will shred through my heart,
The world will also begin to fall apart."

^^Favourite lines of the poem. So much emotion and depth, so much power, and beautiful imagery.

"For as if the world were to live in the past.
The pain and suffering would also, Forever last"

^^ I really like these closing lines, a beautiful way to finish up this poem.

This is a good poem. Once again you're doing the rhyme scheme thing. It's not as bad in this poem as the other two I read but it's still there. BUT, these are the rhymes you want to use if you do. Or at least most of them. one thing I don't suggest is rhymes (MOST OF THE TIME) under 4 letters. Those are the cheesiest ones. Be creative and such. Use your imagination.

"Our world so cold and filled with hatrid."
`hatred is the correct spelling.

Suggestions:
`Look through your poem, you captiolized things in the middle of lines that werent necessary.
`Make sure to remember to look over your puncuation, its great you have it.. but I think that a comma is better and then a period at the end of the second line.. exactly what I said for your other poem.

Other than that, another good poem. I loved how you tied these two poems together. Unique.

5/5.

Wow those were ahhmmazin. not alot of people write about things like that and i love it.
katrina

May it be a task as to forgive,
Something so hard makes it easy to live.

From the first part I started bobbing my head a bit because the flow in these lines was outstanding. :D

For as one slip, One miss, just one more sin.
Will break my last mirrior, held so closely within.

That was bad ass. :D

Your only mistakes were a couple on spelling and then a few spots where you had capital letters where you didn't need to. Not all of the rhyming was fantastic. The punctuation was pretty good for the most part, but all that was wrong with it wasn't as nearly as grand as all that was right with it. Every ounce of creativity in this poem was soaked in and pushed the mistakes to the back seat. You've won yourself a five which I would normally never do if I found these mistakes, but this was a special case and should be rewarded. Congratulations. :]