Pain Dependent

This pain is kept
As a reminder
These tears are wept
In tribute of my shame

This feels like an addiction
The highest substance being death
This is me brain washed
So I won't forget my regret

Reminding myself of the pain caused
Basic happiness seems undeserved
Memories burning in my heart and head
Repayment must be earned

Like an addiction, I feel it
Without chemicals, just belief
Like an addiction, I hate it
Blindly continuing, yet wanting relief

Like an addiction, I've fallen
My mind repeating what it needs
Like an addiction, I'm calling
For more pain, and to be freed

It makes little sense
Yet to me this is right
I just shouldn't come up
Staying down is my fight

Like an addict I need this
While it may kill me inside
I want to end but continue
So my guilt is never denied