7 months lost

Doing good

Wow indeed a sad poem, i can relate, though saw more of a story than a poem within your write which is not bad^^

Hiya! =)

Stanza 1:
"So I sit here crying about you.
the tears are dripping down on the keys.
getting wet, I might mess up.
miss spell a word, then a mess up poem this could be."

-- Wow.. really like the flow of this poem, however, I think maybe you have put too many syllables in the last line.. so maybe it could be:
"Misspell a word, then a mess this poem could be."
(suggestion)
Otherwise, nice choice of words, and i think that this stanza has set the mood so far. =)
Well done.

Stanza 2:
"I'm writing it all down tonight.
thinking maybe you will care.,
and maybe you will not.
last night I took another stand.
I decided to go back from the past."

-- Okay.. this has kind of confused me. You have came out of your rhyming scheme.. and its kind of thrown the poem off a bit. But still nice, strong words used. :)

Stanza 3:
"It wasn't the best idea.
but I couldn't take it anymore.
I took the razor blade in my hand.
I started to cry knowing what I was willing to do.
after 7 months clean I wiped it away in one clear slate.
blood was dripping out a little bit."

-- Still, again with the different stanza set out. It's gone from first stanza.. 4 lines. 2nd stanza.. 5 lines and the 3rd stanza.. 6 lines. Its a little confusing, which has kind of messed up the flow of the poem. Still some good words used. =)

Stanza 4:
"I had no idea what I should do next.
I was claim and did understand why this time around.
I didn't feel like I should do it again.
I didn't want to anymore.
so I unlocked my door."

-- Okay, again with the different stanza set out. If you wanted it to rhyme, the flow needs to be set properly, and in my opinion it needs to have a certain structure.. whether is be a poetic structure or theme.. or just plain old, A.B.B.A or A.B.A.B or A.B.C.B.... etc.
Otherwise, it could be a little confusing.. and more like telling a story. =)

Stanza 5:
"I picked up the phone.
and started dialing.
"hello" a voice came on the phone.
thats when I broke out crying.
knowing that I've done something.
that will always upset you."

-- Okay, so you have brought rhyming back into it.. it has still confused me. sorry lol. Umm again with the set out.

Maybe try a different set out or structure or theme. Experimentation is great! And so much fun.. so try different methods.
=)

Nice poem, sad I suppose, but maybe just rethink on when you write other poems, and make sure they have a flow to them.
I like some of the word choices, but the non-structural idea of the poem threw off my total idea of the poem.

Good luck, and keep up the good work =)

[ 4 / 5 ]

- Nicole
xox

Overall you did a good job. It's one of those poems that you read over and over. BUT, you made it your own. And, cliche is never bad. Many people think it is.. but in reality it's not. It's just proving that everyone has the same emotions to a point. poetry doesn't have to be 'original' or a 'non-cliche' it just has to be your own. And, that's what this poem is.

One thing though. You used a period after every line. I say this soo many times, people tend to not understand it. When reading a poem (silently or out aloud) you read a certain way; kind of like you do papers and books and such. You take 'breaths' at the commas and periods. Of course the periods create a longer stop, and the dots (...) create an even longer one. The shortest would be things such as; colons, semi-colons, and commas (:;,). So, when you stop at those punctuation marks it helps AND/OR hurts how you read the poem. Therefore, messes with the flow. Which in return can mess up a poem completely. Yours isn't that bad. But, I do suggest removing some periods and replacing others with commas or something. (commas I always suggest for those who INSIST that punctuation is useless in poetry. because, it's simple.)

Very sad indeed, yet positive because although you knew this person is not of help, yet you seek help. I hope those memories are just in the past, well don, it merits a 5/5, kel.