Burnt Into Your Dreams

by Aimz   Feb 1, 2009


The night drifts over us
Stars glint softly over our heads
Dread fills your chest,
It's time for bed.
I fall asleep easy,
After we make love,
You stare into the darkness,
Gazing above.
Finally your eyes fall shut,
Your breathing slows,
The horrors await you,
Your body has froze.
Your limbs become stiff,
I awake to the sounds,
Of your screams,
And your shouts,
"No, No please No,"
You call into the night,
You aren't with me in bed,
You're back at war, trying to fight.
The enemy have got you,
Torturing your mind,
Sensing the darkness,
They appear from where they hide.
They twist you and bend you,
Sleep comes so rare,
You can't fight anymore,
But your thoughts are captured there.
Grief for fallen comrades,
The guilt of surviving,
It's all creeping up,
The nightmares are thriving.

**This poem is currently incomplete, I haven't decided on the end yet. All comments very welcome, I would appreciate constructive critisism.**

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Alma

    I too hvn't written in a while and i thought i had lost my gift of writing but you are proof that the gift of poetry cannot be lost- a beautiful poem - never stop writing
    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Not Enough

    WOW!! This is also an amazing poem It has such a great flow. And it as great rhyming! I don't think there's really anything you can change! It's perfect 5/5

    Soda.

  • 15 years ago

    by Annaam

    I like it. U've described very well how exactly it is like for a soldier. Somethings you should have a look at tho:

    ``Your body has froze.
    --> It should be '...has frozen'

    ``The enemy have got you,
    --> I think it should be '... captured you' or maybe some other word, 'got' doesn't really seem to flow well... just an opinion :).

    I still think it's a great write and would love to read the end, when u decide on one. Do let me know! :)

    5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    The flow within this poem is very good and the rhyming works nicely. I really loved your ending I thought it was powerfull and captivating, so overall really great job, it deservs a 5/5

  • 15 years ago

    by heartbrokengrl

    This is good. let me know how you end it, when you do. pretty good. nice flow

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