Looking for Love in all the Wrong Bedrooms (pt. II)

by ether   Mar 16, 2009


I'm staring at my bedroom window,
Watching the morning rays float through.
Debating the warmth of glass and stone,
Remembering days I waited just for you.

We've seen the dust and flames,
Dynamite fingers, staring wide,
I watch you burn, melt and mold.
Change that won't turn back with tide.

You took my hand once more and smiled,
We thought to change the frosted moon
With lips that met with too much to say,
Just wanting to feel love so smooth.

Your jealousy and my passion
With my gasoline insides, lit the skies,
All too soon ran out of air.
Brought upon us iron shoe-string ties.

With apathetic urgency,
Turned half the days to dark.
Started the rains, turned the tides,
I'm Noah with half an ark.

Suits of ignorance change with fashion,
And I feel I am lost between the art,
Gave our all to some carbon black,
Trying to neutralize my heart.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by The Prince

    Thought I'd comment your latest since I haven't read your work in a while.

    The first stanza starts off pretty standard I reckon, just because a lot of poems do start with that contemplation state of the narrator. It's really hard to write love poems that don't begin the same as a lot of others so I won't criticise you for that.

    The second stanza was far more interesting, I'm glad you picked up a bit there. Dynamite fingers was a great phrase, and I loved the last line there. It was refreshing to read, haha.

    Third stanza is pretty good too, except that last line is a bit out of place. It's sorta wedged in there. Grammatically it just doesn't sound right, and it sticks out like a sore thumb cause everything surrounding it is nice.

    Fourth stanza was perhaps the strongest, nothing to comment on there except I really enjoyed it, 'gasoline insides' was great. The whole poem is dotted with nice little phrases like that:

    'Started the rains, turned the tides,
    I'm Noah with half an ark.'

    Was worth quoting cause I thought it was excellent. Strong image there. It also ends well too, the last stanza has a great flow and it doesn't end abruptly nor bluntly pessimistic either. A good write, in my opinion. Some minor things let it down.

    First stanza was a bit weak, but the rest was spot on. Good work

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