I'm screaming...

I know it seems like i'm putting up negative comments, I mean that not at all. I think that you have a lot of potential that is just waiting to come forward. I say all my comments in a constructive way.

It's a really good poem and I enjoyed it and the flow on the poem was nice.

I felt that you could have used more adjectives to describe things. Instead of shake, you could have used something like

"away from the one who is baron of my burden
they are unable to see me as a take a bow before the curtain"

It's basically the same thing that you just wrote only summed into one bar. I think that you're potential for a writer is amazing and I see so much enthusiasm to wish to learn.

wonderful write and thank you very much for the read.

Regards,
Shaun aka Dark Savior.

P.S. my apologies for getting back to you so late...family troubles.

Thanks, I wrote it when I couldn't stop some bad, bad, BAD urges...