Unwanted

"If I'm unwanted then there is no need
To play with my mind and keep me deceived"

*catches breath*
5/5.

I can't even think of a comment. Lame, yeah?
BUt this is just EFFING AMAZING.
Phenomenal.

Upon readng this some thoughts occured to me.. The thoughts I've had locked up tight for months. The ones I couldn't think about before. Thank you for writing this, in every sense.

Rebuild the wall and sturdy the defenses
I can't feel anything, appeal to the senses.
If I'm unwanted then there is no need
To play with my mind and keep me deceived"

Excellent stanza each one was good but this stood out for me. you combined rhyme and free verse making so the flow was a little off. But all in all great write
Jimmy

(1) Walking down the street
I'm nobody special to meet
I watch the cracks pass me by
Like earlier mistakes in my life

(2) I can't bring myself to look up
I won't speak, don't tell me to shutup
You made me feel like i was enough
Was it real or was it a bluff

(3) My wall of hair covers my face
Hiding the fear that is underneath
I let you bring your trojan horse into my
wall
Diseased from within and now it falls

(4) Rebuild the wall and sturdy the defenses
I can't feel anything, appeal to the senses.
If I'm unwanted then there is no need
To play with my mind and keep me
deceived

(5) I'll go back to where I was
A nobody just because
At least it's not a lie
The truth can no longer make me cry

~~~ i love the first 2 lines from (1),very powerful.maybe swop the 1st two lines from the (2) with the last two from (1).i think it may flow and be understood better.the last line from (2) feels forced to me. im not too sure on it.i love the 1st two line of (3) and maybe add two more lines to it and make the 2trojan lines go with another 2 line (another stanza maybe?) i love (4) but not to sure the last line fits in with the other three lines.and i love (5) - absolutly love it!

good work, i love the structure and the words used are very powerful. very nice. emotional.

ibe
x