Comments : Picture Perfect

  • 12 years ago

    by Hollow Emotion

    I really like poem. The title fit the poem perfectly and the flow was flawless. Sad to think that guys are really like that. Great write!! 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Awww :( this made me sad. I just got dumped like two days ago so this really hit home. I think you did a good job building up to their break-up. I was not expecting that to come. Even though this was sad your words were soft and beauitful. Most people that write about break-ups seem angry and show too much sadness, but this didn't. I wasn't overwhelmed with sadness so that's good. I enjoyed this from start to finish. Glad to see you writing more dear. Keep it up. :) Nik

  • 12 years ago

    by kelleyana

    I really enjoyed reading this poem. It's something i've already seen, but what makes your's stand out, the imagery you'd created is so vivid. The only thing i didn't like is the first line in this stanza. I know you were trying to keep rhyming, but it just turns it off.

    "In love she'd fallen fast and hard,
    Never thought to keep up her guard.
    But to him her love was just a game;
    Half the girls he knew not their name.

    For the rest it was ok. Well done, kel.

  • 12 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    I think you could totally play with your word choice and flow here, it felt a little boring and repetitive of alot of other mediocre work around here. I myself have been guilty of it, sometimes stepping back and working on something else can help us and make us come back and take a fresh look. With some work I think this could be much better. Hope I was helpful.

  • 12 years ago

    by tears i cry

    I have to say i love it the writing was great and it is so much like me i may have shed a little tear
    amazing writing keep it up :)

  • 12 years ago

    by Lethmelodis

    A pretty girl will smile wide,
    Alluding from what she has to hide.
    Behind her brilliance lie painful recollections,
    So she creates the image of picture perfection.

    ^^ Excellent start, I love the rhyming used in the third and fourth lines, very sing-song like, but not in a lyrical sort of way, but rather, a Greek chorus sort of way (if that makes any sense.) Also, quite the 'grabber'. Meaningful, while not being too drawn out, flowing very well.

    She loves to sing and lives to dance,
    Shines her brightest when given the chance.
    Perfect grades and the kindest heart,
    Who would guess it's been torn apart?

    ^^
    I love the contrast between the perfection the subject portrays and grim foreshadowing of something darker. Continues the excellent rhyming scheme and doesn't skip a beat in the flow department. I'm hooked at this point :D

    In love she'd fallen fast and hard,
    Never thought to keep up her guard.
    But to him her love was just a game;
    Half the girls he knew not their name.

    ^^
    Excellent third verse, the dark foreshadowing evoked in the second stanza is answered her by the heartbreaker. I'd only suggest adding something before guard in line two, to draw it out a bit. Seems to skip a beat there... for example:

    In love she'd fallen fast and hard,
    Never thought to keep up her heavy guard.

    - It just seems to draw it out more, the lack of a word there disrupted the flow a bit, at least to me, but this is *purely opinion*. Still an amazing piece so far.

    For months her heart he had deceived,
    But his every word she had believed,
    Finally he grew tired of all his fun;
    Leaving her broken, hurt and undone.

    ^^ Continueing the sing-song qualities and excellent rhyme scheme, as well as progressing the little storyline you've got running. No qualms with this stanza =) Still excellent.

    Rivers of tears her eyes have cried,
    But in not one person she dares confide.
    Her pain she harbours far from view,
    Fearing the reaction if they only knew.

    ^^Excellent closing to a piece that many can relate to, I'm sure. Overall, excellent flow and rhythm aside from the one part I thought was a bit off, and the rhyming was superb.

    Great little work here :D

    Consider this part 1 of my apology for never giving you the comments back you deserved all those months ago.

  • 12 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    An excellent poem that contains with all that is great in such. meter, flow. grammar and diction excellent.
    The age old theme of broken heart, lost love by some unthinking dude who meant a lot until he showed his true colours, you have it all in this wonderful poem worthy of its 5/5 Ray S
    Life's learning cycle can be a heart breaker but we get up and face another day as out there mister or missus right will one day knock on your door.

  • 12 years ago

    by Ray Smallshaw

    An excellent poem that contains all that is great in such. Meter, flow. grammar and diction excellent.
    The age old theme of broken heart, lost love by some unthinking dude who meant a lot until he showed his true colours, you have it all in this wonderful poem worthy of its 5/5 Ray S
    Life's learning cycle can be a heart breaker but we get up and face another day as out there mister or missus right may one day knock on your door and life will go on.

  • 12 years ago

    by WakingFreedom

    Umm. I'm not into love poems all that much, but this was a great read. Your poem showed a powerful emotion, my favorite stanza would be the first one;

    "A pretty girl will smile wide,
    Alluding from what she has to hide.
    Behind her brilliance lie painful recollections,
    So she creates the image of picture perfection."

    It captured me at first read and I just loved it. 5/5
    Thank you.
    ~Mykel M.

  • 12 years ago

    by Finalgravedigger

    The flow was amazing in your poem and I know the feeling, your description was great as well nice work.

  • 12 years ago

    by stefanie

    I really liked this one. it seemed to flow perfectly from line to line and the way you portrayed these emotions: beautifully sad. i enjoyed reading this very much and in my past, i could've related to this all the way. great write. it's a 5 for me :)

  • 12 years ago

    by SolemnWish

    The flow was like flawless!!
    That was amazing, and you can bet ill look at your other poems when i have the time
    2 more things
    1: Your going on my favs
    2: 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by DirgeVenustas

    High school romance much? that was amazing by far the best poem i have read in my life, its so sad thoght, i think you should expand it though....the flow was great and you have a natural talent there. keep up the good writing

  • 12 years ago

    by oldthings

    So powerful and so incredibly sad. The flow was great, it had a steady rythm from start to finnish and seemed to just flow from start to finnish. I really felt for the person in this poem, having had friends who've gone through the same situation, but they at least told people closest to them, I cant immagine the kind of hurt it would cause to keep that kind of thing to yourself.
    the last stanza was my favorite, how it tied everything together into a finite ending, so nice and clean.
    The whole poem overall created a great image in my mind. I could keep complimenting all the different parts i liked, (the middle stanza for example, I loved, put the image of this %@(@ just standing in a circle with a bunch of faceless girls who don't see eachother) but i think you get the point, i thought this was amazing.
    great job, i really liked it. 5/5 =)

  • 12 years ago

    by Kitten

    I enjoyed the overall poem. The first stanze seemed a little forced like you tried to hard to get it to rhyme but the general flow of the poem was very well done. The imagery created by your poem was very good, it paints a very vivid picture and your word use was flawless. I like that you used more descriptive words to say what could be said in much more boring words. All in all great job. 5/5

  • 12 years ago

    by Loved In Hell

    Wow, ok i know that this is usually a cliche that most people are used to when they comment on a poem, "Oh, I can relate so well!!!!" yes i have a lot of comments say that and after a while i don't really believe them, but believe me when i say i know this feeling well. You worded something that is a common feeling in a new fresh way, you put the words together in an awesome way.
    I deffinately give you a 5/5.

    -laura

  • 12 years ago

    by Spirit

    In the begaining it's such a pretty picture. The girl who pretends to have everything and is actually hiding everything.
    It's a really origional (sp) twist on an old classic.

    A few lines did seem forced though, so you might want to read through it backwards (it's what I do) to be able to fix that.

    Anyway thanks for the read.
    >-Spirit->

  • 12 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    Wow you are great this one did not miss a beat wit a perfect delivery

  • 12 years ago

    by Mr Rhee

    Five stanzas, a life story. At least, a life story for some, and many. You opened so well, and then it got better. Some of us know this story all too well. Others, not. " Yippeee!" for them. And no, it is NOT a favorite topic for some, but this is one topic on which so many great works are born. Your talent shows, greatly. I don't know if this poem is based on your own pain, or not, but you did such a wonerful job with the idea of hiding the pain, and the embarassment, of being taken advantage of. Life has many, many, lessons. If some readers of this piece do not know, or understand, what that feels like, then maybe you just might shed some light for them. Again, very well done. Very well done.

  • 12 years ago

    by Gooberz

    Another poem of broken hearts written perfectly. brillaint flow and melodic scheme
    Raindrop
    5/5