Suicidal

I dont want to think im suicidal..
because that wouldnt make me normal
would it ?
i bet their not suicidal
but they dont know im suicidal
do they ?
i dont want to be me, but i cant change who im turning out to be.
i cant stop these negative thoughts that are running through my head, it seems like all i ever do. is wish to be dead.
i want to jump off a bridge but, i dont want to die i want to fly high in the sky.. does that make me suicidal ?
i just want to be like me the girl i use to be when i was 10. when suicide was never in my vocabulary.. when everything seemed right..
but ..........
im not suicidal..
no im not..
im just a girl who just cant cope with life..
a girl that cant cope with herself..
but im not suicidal.
am i ?
i dont want to be suicidal
i want to be........... HAPPY !!
is that to much to ask for ?