You know that feeling you get when
you're looking down from a high place
and you feel like you're going to fall?
I feel that way all the time.
I'm always thinking I'm a loose
rock on the edge of a cliff.
I could break off and fall
at any second,
when the right thing jostles me too much.
I feel like that right now, in fact.
I've just had this vibe all day,
that if someone talks to me
I'm going to blow up.
That's why I've avoided everyone today...
I think I'm bipolar.
But not that "I'm pissed off all the time"
bipolar, I think I'm a sort of
"I want to cry, now I need to smile,
now I need to scream with my eyes
shut, now I want to laugh" bipolar.
My mood is changing rapidly all the time now,
but I'm always feeling quite sad
for most of the time.
Usually when I feel like I need to get
away for a long while,
I meet up with some friends
and light up with something that
Allows me to be there,
but not really "be there".
Something that makes me
Laugh and cry,
at the same exact time.
Something that makes me
Happy and sad,
at the same exact time.
Something that wants me to
Live and die,
at the same exact time.
Though usually,
when I get to the point where
I can't tell whether I am
alive or dead, my highest point,
I couldn't give a crap if I
was truly deceased.
My lips, they move,
But I can't tell if I'm really saying anything
like I'm a zombie or something.
But that's just how things were
meant to be with me I guess.
Alive on the outside,
Dead on the inside.
