I'm sorry,
But I have to write this.
I don't want this anymore.
I'm sitting on the floor in a bathroom stall
Because for no apparent reason,
I started crying.
It was out of no where.
I'm supposed to be learning about
cells and the way they work
But instead I'm wiping my tears
on the walls of this stall.
I wonder how many other girls tears
I'm sitting on.
I wonder how many other girls have
gone through everything I have.
Memory Walls,
I'll call these boards.
Because every person who's been here put a piece of them up.
"Mariam <3 Markus"
"Mr. Anderson sucks ...."
"Sub 4 History 2006 is Hawt."
Years and years, of memories.
And my memory,
is a simple tear.
Everytime I come here I'll remember,
That there was a point in time when
I felt I didn't want anything anymore.
I didn't want love.
I didn't want family.
I didn't want friends.
I didn't want memories
that were just small tears
slapped on dirty bathroom walls.
I'll remember this,
As the time when I only had
the energy to smoke and cut.
Drink and cry,
Write and sulk.
Each day I die a little inside.
Each day I have my own personal funeral.
Each day I bully myself into thinking that
I don't matter and that it's my fault.
Each day I kill myself a little more
Just to have another reason to put another
Tear on these walls.
