Forgive Me

by ibelievedhim   Jan 1, 2010


Hollow and empty, tortured soul
Shattered emotions I can't control
Please come back and fill the space
Darling, I long for your embrace

Wishing for things I didn't need
Your presence never guaranteed
Eyes roaming, where they should not
Something beautiful I quickly forgot

Begging forgiveness, as days go by
My aching heart cannot tell a lie
In agony, it cries out your sweet name
Oh Jayk, must my love always be in shame

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Latest Comments

  • 14 years ago

    by Saving Grace

    Aww this is a great write! it flowed really well and you're rhyme scheme was awesome. I loved your choice of wording, it was very intense and powerful. Great write hun. Keep it up. 5/5

  • 14 years ago

    by Jess

    This was just plain out amazing.
    I truly do love it, for real.
    :))
    you have some real potential in writing poetry, I cant wait to read more!
    This just matter affactly caught my eye..And I was like Dayyummm This is a great poem!
    haha.
    Well keep writing Darlinn; I will keep admiring!
    - Jess.

    oh.. btw- You are defenitally going in my favorites!

  • 14 years ago

    by Ingrid

    This poem had a good pace, when you read it out loud it is almost like a song.

    Hollow and empty, tortured soul
    Shattered emotions I can't control
    Please come back and fill the space
    Darling, I long for your embrace

    ^^
    This is very relatable, the part about the empty space.
    The only thing I didn't like is the last line, it is a little cliche, maybe you could think of some other words and let the line end with embrace?

    Wishing for things I didn't need
    Your presence never guaranteed
    Eyes roaming, where they should not
    Something beautiful I quickly forgot

    ^^
    What you say here is the essence: presence is never guaranteed..we have to always work on our relationship. Love is a verb:)

    Begging forgiveness, as days go by
    My aching heart cannot tell a lie
    In agony, it cries out your sweet name
    Oh Jayk, must my love always be in shame

    ^^
    I liked this a lot too, it sounded a bit like a song from way back:)

    In the title I would lose the question mark, I think that looks better.

    A really nice poem, Katie. If you decide to stay, I will give you indept comments from now on:)

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 14 years ago

    by damont

    Wow. sorta sadish what did you do tsk tsk lol.