His smile(pantoum)

by Ş∂ņďħy∂   Jun 17, 2004


(Hope I wrote a pantoum…. :-) )

I love his smile,
It brings a twinkle,
And remains a while,
With a cute dimple.

It brings a twinkle,
When I meet his eyes.
With cute dimple,
He looks so nice.

When I meet his eyes,
Love seems to be might.
He looks so nice,
Which makes it right.

Love seems to be might,
And remains a while,
Which makes it right.
.....I love his smile.

//// I heard about pantoums from “Peter .A. Rosa do”. I felt it interesting. This was a try to make such a one. )////

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Latest Comments

  • 21 years ago

    by Megha

    wow...im learning so much more bout poems now tht im a member here...its great!!! and ure poems wonderful....im gonna try writing one myself...

  • 21 years ago

    by David

    Because of you, I went and tried one.. it would be an honor if you read it.
    :)
    David

  • 21 years ago

    by David

    You were very close.
    I'm sorry I just looked at the beginning line and the ending line and didn't notice how close this was to a circular pantoum.

    I re-arranged 2 lor 3 lines.

    1 I love his smile
    2 It brings a twinkle
    3 And remains a while
    4 With a cute dimple

    2 It brings a twinkle
    5 When I meet his eyes
    4 With cute dimple
    6 He looks so nice

    5 When I meet his eyes
    7 Love seems to be might
    6 He looks so nice
    8 Which makes it right

    7 Love seems to be might
    3 And remains a while
    8 Which makes it right
    1 I love his smile

    Good luck, and delete this part of my comment if you want.

    David

  • 21 years ago

    by TaTy

    I don't know if it's a (poem that you said...lol) any who, I liked it and I give you a 5 =) keep it up... =D

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