Comments : Autumn's Dream

  • 9 years ago

    by keithnwv

    I am not a very good writer. I know absoultely nothing about writing styles , flow , or anything. I just read and try to put myself into the story. I could easily do that with this poem. I could also place myself in either the changing seasons of life or a relationship.

  • 9 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Ha ha, you sure keep me busy, Nana:)

    Dancing with sweet feminism

    ^^
    Love this line, makes you come across like a strong woman

    above cemeteries of barren fields
    Inhaling deeply the air of pessimism

    ^^
    Inhaling the bitter scent of pessimism?
    as my feet step over fallen leaves

    Arrogant gust recoloring dreams
    green to orange as yellow beams
    From deep inside the arid lands,
    cold bites the warmth of my hands

    ^^
    This stanza had maginificent flow and imagery

    Steeped within the brownish view
    my whole senses remembers you

    "^^
    with all my senses remembering you?

    Consolation yet, refills my heart
    as autumn begs spring to start..

    Dancing around, with sweetness still
    I sink deep within the yellowish hill

    ^^
    Strong visuals here, and also lots of innocense and hope portrayed within your words

    continuously breathing hopes until

    ^^
    continuously breathing in hope until?

    Autumn dreams fall out of thrill..

    Now here is see "you" again, this is straight from the heart and it shows:)

    Good work sweetheart:)

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    Yellowish & brownish are not poetic words in my eyes, I would use a different word - also maybe use a different word for dancing at the end since you've already used it once - other than that I agree with all that has been said, this is an excellent poem, you're definitely improving.

  • 9 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I don't feel the need to be redundant about the things I love about your style The theme is especially inspiring to me because autumn is a time of reaping romantic fruits

    This is truely another of your masterpieces

  • Though it is a beautiful poem Rania, I for one long for you to move on to a place where the woman within is in such a happy place she lights up each verse with the sparkle of joy
    I believe is just waiting to be set free ....
    I think it is already there & only awaiting a reason to be free .....5/5.....Jim

  • 9 years ago

    by Ronald Edwards

    Splendid job Rapunzel, your rhyme and flow is excellent. My fav line:

    Consolation yet, refills my heart
    as autumn begs spring to start..

    Such a impatient girl, cant wait for winter hahaha

    Well done
    P.Charming

  • 9 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Hahahahaha looooool thats a gd reply for my email ( bout being impatient lol) P.charming

    this is gr8 hehe

  • 9 years ago

    by chind

    I dont usually like poems are nature and trees and stuff like that because i cant seem to get into them D: But this one must have been an exception because i absolutely loved it ! There is just something about your words naza! they always seem to flow so nicely together!!

  • 9 years ago

    by Jad

    I really liked this poem a lot. You have turned Autumn into seemingly a person who is waiting for there loved one to come which would be winter. A lovely piece with vivid images and great imagery.

    "Arrogant gust recoloring dreams
    green to orange as yellow beams
    From deep inside the arid lands,
    cold nips the warmth of my hands"

    This line really stood out to me, as it gave a beautiful image to the reader and at the end of it gave a bit of sadness as well. A greatly penned piece from beginning to end. Good job and keep writing.

  • 9 years ago

    by Lana

    Really good opening stanza, you managed to paint the picture of autumn without actually saying the word. Hinting at it was very clever.

    Arrogant gust recoloring dreams
    green to orange as yellow beams
    From deep inside the arid lands,
    cold nips the warmth of my hands

    ^^^^

    This has got to be my favourite stanza, especially the first line, I just loved the use of the word 'arrogant' very descriptive.

    Your third and 4th stanza were both descriptive and creative with this line grabbing my attention.

    as autumn begs spring to start..

    ^^^

    love it.

    Overall, very enjoyable read. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Kuro

    A perfect poem to bring in the fall season. i loved the eloquence of the vocabulary here. it painted a soft, yet brilliant picture. i may actually favorite this. well done and thank you for sharing

    ~Kuro

  • 9 years ago

    by Ric Hansen

    TICKLES THE SENSES....SURREAL.....COLORFULLY CHARMING

  • 9 years ago

    by Sungrl And Mrs Whatsit

    Reading your work continues to be like watching a mythological being awakening, stretching
    and singing in some mystical dialect....
    I do believe you could write fairy tales...

    • 2 years ago

      by mossgirl19

      I have to agree with our friend here. The very words I want to say about this magical piece!