Our Metronome Poem

I think you are such a poet in life that the things you write can't help but be beautiful. You don't try to make things fancy... you record everyday moments, truly: the thing many silly poets try to do, but fail under the weight of their trying.

This is so amazing.
I can completely relate to this,
its so easy to read, and the flow is perfect.
This poem drags me right there, to feel your emptyness at such a seemingly innocent thing.

This poem has a great amount of emotion, not too heavy, but definately a deep piece of work.

ABBYYY...I love it..i didn think b4 poets did a gd joob mentioning the word damn b4..but here...agh just showed ur anger in a very gd way..cause the lines that followed been penned down in a really really strong way..

you have such a gd way revealing ur emotions..and he damn needs to read this poem :)
5/5!!

I kinda liked this for its direct and implied simplicity. You've created a moment and expressed it (mostly) successfully. Needs some revision though.

He's practicing his guitar with the damn metronome on
tlok
tlok
tlok
tlok

The onomatopoeia isn't needed and nor is your repetition of 'damn' in the second line.

'o think
that we two creators, we two fools, we two tiny
fragments of the September night outside our window,
are encased in the wonderment of souls, mutually
abandoned, making love any way
we know how. can you hear us?'

You lose focus here, you sorta zoom way out of this moment and into an oblivion of random and unneeded abstract imagery.

See, my advice to you on this poem would to be expand the idea of the creation happening here without ever zooming out fully from the scene you're displaying. Think of it like a short film or movie, as if you're watching this couple from outside the window.

Being precise in poetry is key to a good communication. Poems are essentially communicated expression of course and here, you need to focus on these characters, the idea of creation mixed with the notions of frustration and love (without actually using the word 'love') be careful.

The ending is nice.

Excellent....
interesting, and apparently interested throughout ...
kept me going easily to the end...
like a voice-over of a little movie..

ain't love grand...'~)