I liked your poem and its form. I took some liberties and hope you won't mind. I took your poem and changed some of the lines. I think if you lost the fist stanza all together your poem would be better. Keep up the good works
Tempted to step off this edge
Where faded memories came to die,
It is sad to think about you
I wish we had said goodbye.
Too late now to gather hopes
There is nothing more to do.
Two feet and toes touch the sand
My heart begs to think of you.
Feeling lost I get light headed,
I can no longer hold youths breath
Life has come to show me
Why love is so close to death.
I shiver naked and scared
There are few things left to feel.
My relief is a wash over me,
All my pain for you has been healed.