Feel

Nice ideas!Great poem:)

I really like this poem. It flows well and I can relate to what you are saying.

This was a good piece. There was just one issue I had with it. The line 'I don't want to hurt'. It's out on it's own. It doesn't rhyme with anything.

I almost had an issue with the lines -

'I want to see.
I want to be me.
But most of all I want to be free'

Because they're three of the same rhymes in what is a couplet poem, but then, because the last line is twice as long as the other two, it balances it out. Plus, I did rather like that last line.

You ended this piece really well, I thought. The last four lines were great.

'Free from the numbness I'm feeling inside
Free from the rocks that are hiding my pride.
Free from the tears and the fears and the pain.
Free from entering that place again.'

I particularly liked the use of 'rocks' as opposed to 'walls' which is commonly used. I liked the rhyming within the third line of 'tears' and 'fears', and well as the repition of 'and the', which gives it a tiring, on-going feel. And the closing line was good, too. Giving the impression that no one would ever want to go there again.

A good piece. Enjoyable. It felt genuine.

Brad

P.S. Please comment and vote HONESTLY on every poem that you read