Still not me

by a broken smile with a broken heart is a poets life   Mar 25, 2011


I have fallen down and gotten back up,
I am still fighting to figure out who I am.
The people I have encountered have;
abandoned, betrayed, loved, left, molded, hated, ME.

I am trying to figure out who I am without losing my mind,
without losing my hope.
I have been broken down, taken apart,
exposed to the naked eye.
I am an insect under a microscope and you, the unknown,
are my worst enemy.

I am trying not to lose grip
You have taken so much from me,
you a nameless bastard!
I am ruined for maybe my whole life
and may never be able to be whole again.
I have let you mold me to your ways
and have let my guard down again and again.
I may keep doing that, I may keep falling down,
I may cry out in pain.
I may keep letting you take advantage and step on me when I'm down.
I may not be perfect
but I think I am okay with that.
I may let you bring my hopes down
And maybe let you rape away the last of my dreams.

Maybe I will do that or maybe I will stop it all.
I have been in the insane world for too long.
I have disappeared inside my head for fear of your lies.
I have cried myself to sleep for the little girl I never was.
To those who love me and have loved me,
I am not who you think I am.

I don't know who I am, an impostor, in this so called life.
A widow with no red mark.
A red drop from the razors that haunt my mind.
So lost in every ones shadow, I forgot I had one.
I'm not okay any more.
I am you.
I am everything you want me to be,
But not me, never me...

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