I saw this little girl covered in scars I asked her, "What happened", she said, "I fell in love". At once my heart ached, somehow looking into her eyes made me feel her pain. I teared up, I really didn't know what to say. I looked around hoping to find someone that can help me say something to make this girl stop crying. I failed I couldn't find anyone so I reached down to hug her and she said, "Please don't". I took a step back now I'm in pain I say "But you're hurting, and I have no words to say maybe my hug can warm up your cold heart". She refused me at once and said "Sympathy keep for yourself he stepped on me as if I was nothing, as if I didn't love him enough, I trusted him and he broke me. What am I to do now?".
I am lost in this world just like her why can't she understand me when I'm trying my best to understand her. I am crying I am in tears somehow looking at her brought back my fears. My story is just like hers if she would only hear me out, left outside alone that's just our fate sometimes. She looked at me now her tears are drying up she said, "Please I didn't mean to make you cry, if you tell me your story maybe you will help me understand". I agreed to tell her my story since now I am the one crying and she is the one listening to me, my story went a little like this.
I was about your age just a teen looking for love and when I found it I was so happy I fell way too fast. I gave him my heart this I don't doubt, we planned our future and had everything set out. He loved me this I know, he promised to always be there, he promised to always be around. We were happy, we were in love we gave each other everything even vows that we couldn't keep.
Our love was real and I never imagined myself without him for so long we laughed but out of nowhere we were fighting. We fought day and night over everything big and small. I loved him I did yet I wanted to kill him at the same time. I knew I'd lose him the fights were so intense things we wanted became things we didn't want no more.
I guess we grew up I guess we changed I guess life taught us our very first lesson, in a very harsh way. Some things don't last and love is not all rainbows and butterflies. Through the tears through the ups and downs my heart never stopped loving, but his heart was drifting by now. Before I know it, it was me loving him and him loving her, I stuck around I couldn't let go. Even though my eyes couldn't believe what they saw my heart would say but I love him just stick around a little while longer, maybe he will come back.
He didn't come back and I didn't move on I lied to myself and a bunch of people too, my pain grew deeper I was crying every night, our memories would not stop flashing before my eyes. I missed everything about him even how we used to fight, I missed the good and the bad I just wanted him back.
(I looked up with tears blurring out my vision that little girl was looking so much like me it was incredible, I decided to ignore that and continue my story.)
So yes, I wanted him back but I couldn't have him no matter what I did I just could not have him. I fell in heaps of holes and hurt, I went out and made a fool of myself and done stupid things. Anything to ease my pain nothing helped.
So many nights I didn't sleep so many days I couldn't work, I found myself sick, I was fading away slowly.
I missed him as much as I loved him, I missed him as much as I hated him, I could never figure out if I love him enough to give him my life, or hated him enough to end his life. I missed the way his hand felt holding mine, I missed the way he called out my name in that soft tone of voice, I missed the way he smelt, I missed the feeling of his skin, I even missed the way he would get angry with me for forgetting an important thing that he has told me. YES I loved him even though he was gone. But later I found a greater love the love of Christ, he healed my many wounds and gave me a new life.
(The little girl, looked at me and said "So if God didn't save you, I wouldn't be here now?.)
I replied "No, you would have not been around, and I would have never met you wonderful father, that with the will of our Lord helped me give you life ". I was hurt and God healed, I was lost and God found me, I was down on the floor and he picked me up. Yes I thought there was no hope at the time but look at me now, pain only hurts for as long as we allow it too, so please stop tearing up, I was once your age my darling, yes I was once young. We all make mistakes so let me help you now.
(My darling looked at me and said,"Mama you can hug me now", thanks for staying strong and moving on, I don't care how long it took you but you love daddy now. Mama I'm never going to let anyone hurt me like that").
I was so happy to see my little girl grow up, even though she lost her first love but most of us lost them too. God always takes things away to give us better ones instead. I did find love again, because I decided to leave the past behind.
