Wow, this was amazing! I loved how you worded everything to flawlessly create the image in my mind. I felt like I was walking that same path with you and it made me think of my childhood and playing outside until it got dark and my mom would call me to come home and eat something. Life was so much simpler then, huh?
Everything flowed so nicely here with nothing feeling forced or being repetitive. As the poem progressed, the stronger and more powerful it got with the ending being just perfect and bringing it to a nice close.
I'm really glad I read this this, brought me to nostalgia and happy feelings.
8 years ago
An almost perfect poem from the evocation to the melancolic adult condition. Very good, easy to read and yet powerful.
"I have to admit that I couldn't connect the title with the poem once I began reading, neither could I concentrate on the opening lines (I had to read them thrice). I found the writing style too telling, yet I had no idea what the intention of this poem was, especially after reading the request. It didn't manage to pull me in, as both its language and structure are quite dull. I understand that this greyness is needed as an introduction, regarding the essence of this poem. So I should've actually praised the poet for adjusting her tone like this, but I still believe that lines such as "in the neighborhood we grew up in" could have been more specific and personal. On the contrary, the following stanzas do an amazing job at this. Numerous details, the "little things" of life that make childhood innocence so beautiful, are playfully shared with us. It's as if the reader steps from a colourless world into a vivid one. The poet wasn't allowed to make use of rhyme (something which often adds to the flow or rhythm) but still managed to keep up a lively rhythm, which makes the simple images much more attractive. This poet perfectly knows how enhance a poem without a flood of fabulous metaphors and similes. I especially enjoyed the slight repetition at the beginning of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th stanza, as it keeps us focused on the things these poet misses. I also enjoyed the subtle indications to the title, as I was oftentimes indirectly reminded of a sunny day at the pool. This poem certainly goes into a whole other direction than its request, but managed to express the same emotions of loss. It takes us into a journey of carelessness yet ends with a deep thought. I truly enjoyed this versatility."
^ Posting my review from the contest here, sorry for the delay as I've been away for a week and almost forgot about the poems.
I don't think there's much more to be said, you truly did a great job within the contest. Congrats on the well-deserved weekly win as well. :)
I can only repeat what everyone else has said, this was a delight in so many ways. It's going to rest peacefully in my favorites, so at any time I can feel the peace and enjoyment of this piece. You are fantastic
You captured the feeling so well, I so love all the things you wrote about..the innocence and the simple pleasures that mean the world to the young child. All they long for, is what you have written about. I somehow am very sure you are a great mom:)