Really adored so many little things about this lovely piece. I wasn't quite sure what to think of it at first to be honest, but every time I read it now I find something new that I love.
'A time when childhood was swaddled
in sun dried towels after a bubble bath
and crisp sheets warmed by moonlight
awaited Magellan minded dreams'
^I must say this was one of the strongest stanzas for me - I for one loved 'swaddled' being used here. Also just the little memories you speak of are those of that so many of us experienced in our own childhood.
Definitely a poem of true reminisce. I honestly wouldn't have thought to take this prompt the way you did - your lost love being your childhood. It's bittersweet really. You've moved past that stage and you miss it, yet there's memories today that you hold close 'cause it helps you remember. It seems like you're still young because you have these thoughts to hold onto. Well done.
Really deserving piece to have won that last round really. I find so much beauty in this now than the first time I read it over. Again, loved the way you went about using this prompt. It was quite general, so I'm glad you put a creative spin on it. You should be proud of this piece.
I dont know if I should repeat what I have said again and again about this piece as I got addicted to it in a very weird way, perhaps cause i relate..or maybe cause you touched my emotions like no other writer could would writing in a very creative way.
I love how you used ur personal references in a very smart way to serve your purpose, daisy your voice was heard thought this poem, and your message is delivered, and personally with no exaggeration nor ass kissing believe that you are one of the most tender and important poets for this period of time...dangerous talent out there and cant wait to see this winning, and to see other work from you. Well done!
This poem left me in suchh awe... so much sincerity and tenderness here the poem it self was so soft and lovely..the kind of thing that makes your eyes watery and makes you go...'aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww :( ' i adored this piece..it almost felt as if they were squishing my heart...the beauty of this is how many people you'll find relating to this..how touchy it is...besides the fact that the phrases were written in such tone that makes you wish it would never end...i can not wait to see who the writer of this beauty is and to give it the most deserving nomination ever.
hahha that was my revieuw :)...now you know what i think...
Congratulations on this beautiful piece, and as Nor suggested, I figured I would copy & paste my comments here, too :D
"Finding a creative and suitable title is pretty much a skill in itself. This is perhaps the most common problem for writers next to writer's block whereas on the other hand, in "Swimming Lessons", the author picked the right title effortlessly because as a reader I was already able to explore the connection of it to "the comforts of childhood innocence". This is the simplest poem on this round yet enjoyable and attractive. "Occasionally, I take a different route" indicates that the poet sometimes reminisces about their childhood. These lines, "summertime entertainment, flannel jimmies, and maple syrup covered pancakes" were the brief illustrations of the innocence and naivety of childhood in this poem which are further emphasized by the longing perhaps regret created by this poet. "Oh, how I wish I hadn't taken this path today" - this is like almost a plea that evokes pathos representing the disparaging comforts of childhood innocence, thus, connects with the lost love. Overall, I find this poem to be the most fitting for the given prompt."
8 years ago
by Edward D Zurovec
We were definately Guppies DD.
"An Age when shrill laughter
from our eight year old frames
echoed across fresh mowed grass
and crept through kitchen windows
in the hour before supper
"oh man" "cut grass and chicken
fried steak and cream gravy".
A place where and Oak Tree
doubled as base and held
the tire swinging , where
pinky promises were made
"I Love You", --- and
"I Love You Too."
Beautiful Poem DD,
Peace and Blessings
Congrats for making it so far in the contest Kay! you deserved it, some beautifully written poetry from you. Just leaving my comment:
''I liked how you ran with this prompt, when someone tells you to write a poem of lost love you usually would automatically write a romantic loss of love not something as you did here, a clever move in my opinion. What I got most joy out of with this piece was the fact that no matter what age you are you can still relate to this. You used images and objects that are symbolic in any childhood, the plastic pool, the hose, tire swings, it got me thinking how even over generations some things can still remain the same in the essence of childhood. I adored how you incorporated some words that were quite sweet and innocent including "pinky promises" and "Jammies" they added that special touch to the poem and allowed the reader to feel as though they too were traveling back to their past. This poem had an emotional impact for me, the transition between child and adult within the last stanza with quite abrupt but it really worked well, it was as though you spent so much joy in your childhood only to have it whisked away in an instant and brought the idea of how time moves too quickly. "Ribbons of Autumn" This was such a beautiful line in my opinion, it stuck with me and I'm not sure exactly why, just something about it caught my attention. Overall I think this piece had the best emotional impact out of the three presented, a lovely read.'' -Melpomene.
Wow... I love this poem! I love the imagery you created - you painted such beautiful scenarios of a lovely childhood - it reminded me of mine and made me smile =) I loved the poem is unexpected compared to the title... but relevant in a discreet way. The ending was amazing - a time before had to learn to sink or swim... A very well-deserved nomination! Great job! :)
You captured the feeling so well, I so love all the things you wrote about..the innocence and the simple pleasures that mean the world to the young child. All they long for, is what you have written about. I somehow am very sure you are a great mom:)
I can only repeat what everyone else has said, this was a delight in so many ways. It's going to rest peacefully in my favorites, so at any time I can feel the peace and enjoyment of this piece. You are fantastic
"I have to admit that I couldn't connect the title with the poem once I began reading, neither could I concentrate on the opening lines (I had to read them thrice). I found the writing style too telling, yet I had no idea what the intention of this poem was, especially after reading the request. It didn't manage to pull me in, as both its language and structure are quite dull. I understand that this greyness is needed as an introduction, regarding the essence of this poem. So I should've actually praised the poet for adjusting her tone like this, but I still believe that lines such as "in the neighborhood we grew up in" could have been more specific and personal. On the contrary, the following stanzas do an amazing job at this. Numerous details, the "little things" of life that make childhood innocence so beautiful, are playfully shared with us. It's as if the reader steps from a colourless world into a vivid one. The poet wasn't allowed to make use of rhyme (something which often adds to the flow or rhythm) but still managed to keep up a lively rhythm, which makes the simple images much more attractive. This poet perfectly knows how enhance a poem without a flood of fabulous metaphors and similes. I especially enjoyed the slight repetition at the beginning of the 2nd, 3rd and 4th stanza, as it keeps us focused on the things these poet misses. I also enjoyed the subtle indications to the title, as I was oftentimes indirectly reminded of a sunny day at the pool. This poem certainly goes into a whole other direction than its request, but managed to express the same emotions of loss. It takes us into a journey of carelessness yet ends with a deep thought. I truly enjoyed this versatility."
^ Posting my review from the contest here, sorry for the delay as I've been away for a week and almost forgot about the poems.
I don't think there's much more to be said, you truly did a great job within the contest. Congrats on the well-deserved weekly win as well. :)
8 years ago
An almost perfect poem from the evocation to the melancolic adult condition. Very good, easy to read and yet powerful.
Wow, this was amazing! I loved how you worded everything to flawlessly create the image in my mind. I felt like I was walking that same path with you and it made me think of my childhood and playing outside until it got dark and my mom would call me to come home and eat something. Life was so much simpler then, huh?
Everything flowed so nicely here with nothing feeling forced or being repetitive. As the poem progressed, the stronger and more powerful it got with the ending being just perfect and bringing it to a nice close.
I'm really glad I read this this, brought me to nostalgia and happy feelings.