I Come Alive

Nevi,*

I've read this piece before many times and I just realized I hadn't left a comment before now! Better late than never though right? Also you haven't written any new pieces in a while sadly, I'll be waiting.

For a short piece I was surprised how well you created imagery, your use of colour was extremely effective in helping you do so and I liked how simply you wrote them "orange, red" and "yellow" generally people will find elaborate words to describe these but I think to really get to the core and concept of what you were saying here it had to be simple. You say you come alive with these colours and for some reason I wanted to link this simplicity of these colours to yourself, you come alive through the simple things in life, it's who you are. You don't need fancy things to make you happy.

It's funny how yellow brings such warmth and sadness yet it's also known as sickness. Jaundice is mostly seen as a pigmentation of the skin formed by illness and I loved how you gave it a new look, a new meaning by connecting it to yourself personally. When I think of red here I thought of blood and I liked how red was the colour you used because it works well with the idea of the loss of life.

Personally I wasn't fond of the format of the piece, poetry format is subjective to how the writer decides to depict their words but for me I would of changed it to read something like:

I come alive,
with the colors of lives that have come to an end
I fade, so brightly with orange and red,
but yellow, most of all

Because jaundice doesn't always betray sickness.

That little change to me made the piece a little more attractive but as I said it's subjective and each to their own. An enjoyable piece, Evan!

-Mel

I like it keep up the good work :)

Life and death? lol. Then I am mistaken with all of my comprehension! haha. Sorry for stalking this poem, I still cannot find what it truly means. =/ PM meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Nevi, I too, loved the colors of this... and the message floating underneath a thick concealer..

Within few lines, you sailed through life and death.

Great one.

First of everything, I'm sorry for being unable to comment on this earlier, I had to comment on Abby's Miss King, lol, on Taras endless poems and many....many others! so thank God I found some time to come back to this and just leave a comment. :)

This speaks of Jaundice, doesn't it? The colors 'yellow', 'red' and 'orange' all refer to some fading life, and you made it quite clear. Yet 'lives that come to an end' is just a bit weird. That felt a bit cliche, lol, maybe I'm just messed up and ignorant, seriously I most of the times am like this. :) So a PM would help me out find what you meant by this. If you meant 'death' or 'sickness' then don't. :P

Loved how you said "I fade" along with "brightly" an awesome contradiction. I'd use 'mostly' instead of 'most of all', though. o.O

I'm sorry if I babbled too much, lol, or missed out a msg or something, just let me know! : )