Sedated

by Karla   Nov 7, 2011


It scares me sh**less
what I feel when I feel nothing.
I look for things inside to justify
this void like someone who is
comfortable among the thorns.

Pain in me is permanent.
Lick my scars if you can
between those intervals
we never have together.

Desire consumes me
and it is all you remind me of
even when you hold your crucifix
in your holy hands.

Some nights I am sleepless,
thinking about what sin is.
Your conception of right and wrong
defeats me. I still don't know whether
you are a saint or an actor.
I am not in a hurry to search for
answers. Questions have always
intrigued me more.

I imagine I can love.
I was raised to believe in love,
in things which don't mean much
when I dive in my dark.

I was sedated. My feelings are deadened
as they ought to be after my truth had
been unknotted.
(my truth.
What is your truth?)
These days I have stood before the mirror,
repeating I am a human being until I believe it
but I can't obey myself. I am limited.
Maybe I am asleep in this poor adventure
of living, loving. Maybe I am not listening.

Karla Bardanza

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I adored this piece! Straight away I connected to the feeling of numbness, when you feel nothing at all and it starts to worry you that you do not feel. you begin to wish to feel anything good or bad, just anything other than nothing! Great opening.

    Your line, pain in me is permanent, makes me want to get to know you more and find out what has happened to make you hurt so much, to carry all of these scars which you feel will never fade or heal.

    This is very deep emotionally, but very well penned and I relate to this. I liked the way you questioned the reader with your last stanza in the brackets... (my truth.
    What is your truth?) this is very clever and ofcourse sends the reader into deep concentration of after thoughts on the poem.

    Nice work, really enjoyed this one.

  • 12 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    A fantastic piece but full of sad and painful images. You never fail to amaze us with your words. Sometimes we just feel numb inside and unable to feel anything- like we are dying from the inside-when to feel anything would be welcomed, even pain, to know we are still alive.
    Always a treat to read you! :)
    Love,
    ~Lostlove~

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