This is very deep and intense. You penned questions and wonder that fills the mind and hearts of most mortals.
excellent flow and clear wording.

This is an interesting piece. Very vivid and descriptive and I think it is excellent. There is so much emotion as well as thought in this piece that is seems amazing.

Alone i strolled on an empty path,
only with my dreams
and faith of better times

^^ This is a nice way to start because it is a form of action and it pulls the audience in to see more.

To reach for the sky,
was my motto
Yet wings, i had none

^ I like this stanza a lot, because it describes something about yourself and shows a little about your own self and soul.

Who was i to determine my fate?
but a young boy,
with a feeble mind,
longing to be a man

^ See even more description that lets people into your life.

I stared in the mirror
and heard voices
My conscience was trying to speak,
but the words fell on deaf ears

^This is an excellent example of showing emotion based on descriptions and actions. Wonderful and probably my favorite in the piece.

Lost in the abyss,
trapped in a dark void,
of eternal anguish and sorrow
my life so became

^^Vivid emotion. Pure you, if that makes any sense. Terrific, and thought provoking too.

I looked to the heavens above,
hoping for a sign
Cheating myself,
to dreams that amounted to nothing

^^This stanza let us into your mind a bit. It shows us a part of you we wouldn't normally expect to see.

Then a soft breeze passes by
Reality hits
and my mind freezes

^Simple imagery. Some would say unnecessary, I think it is a magnificent part of the puzzle so to speak.

I wonder,
with the life i led,
will they let me in?

^^ I love how you ended with a question. Again thought provoking. Finally I think that this piece was an excellent piece. 5/5

^ TJ and Adreamer said it all. I have none left to say. But I'll still say.

We seldom as per our circumstances wonder, as to how can we be stuck in this quicksand of torment?. .Not all suffer the same, some are bestowed upon with sheer joy and certain with endless pain, but that is how nature tends to operate. Reasoning or questioning is obscure because in return we receive no answer.

But you brother have portrayed the effort to question, beautifully. Marvelous.

I enjoyed each line of your poem. Well done as always you afford us the pleasure of your work

----This is how I understood each stanza :

Alone i strolled on an empty path,
only with my dreams
and faith of better times

----Great start, Images started portraying in my mind.
Trying to picture you walking in an empty path but dreaming to have a better life.

To reach for the sky,
was my motto
Yet wings, i had none

------ You wanted to succeed, but you didn't have the resources to do so.

Who was i to determine my fate?
but a young boy,
with a feeble mind,
longing to be a man

--- Somehow, you are picturing yourself as less just because you were a boy that wanted to hurry to become a man.

I stared in the mirror
and heard voices
My conscience was trying to speak,
but the words fell on deaf ears

---- You didn't listen to your conscience.

Lost in the abyss,
trapped in a dark void,
of eternal anguish and sorrow
my life so became

--- Therefore your life became what you didn't want.

I looked to the heavens above,
hoping for a sign
Cheating myself,
to dreams that amounted to nothing

--- you were hoping to get a sing but you only saw what you wanted.

Then a soft breeze passes by
Reality hits
and my mind freezes

--- Then your wake up call finally came.

I wonder,
with the life i led,
will they let me in?

--- nice ending -- you are really meditating on your life. The good deeds and the bad ones

I like the imagery on this piece and that makes the reader thing as well as to relate to it.

I really like how u write this poem it's amazing and beatiful

Well done love

5/5 for me

I really like this poem nice work :)
5/5

This is inspiring and so beautifully written

A very deep write, impressive and thought provoking. nice job with this one and damn powerful ending made me smile.

Fear then not youngen, for you have brought words of wisdom for an age so tender.

Very good inspirational piece....the beautiful written words touched me deeply...i'll remember this piece for a while...thank you

Wow I loved it it's amazing and haha :) btw nominated :) 5/5

God is a good one to have on your side. I like it bro.

I can see why this poem was nominated!!!

Alone i strolled on an empty path,
only with my dreams
and faith of better times
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I like the way you started this poem, how your feeling, time and place

To reach for the sky,
was my motto
Yet wings, i had none
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I love this stanza. The way you said you had no wings to carry you where you needed to go

Who was i to determine my fate?
but a young boy,
with a feeble mind,
longing to be a man
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Opening up and telling us who you are and who you want to become

I stared in the mirror
and heard voices
My conscience was trying to speak,
but the words fell on deaf ears
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I imagined you here asking yourself in the mirror "Would you let you in"

Lost in the abyss,
trapped in a dark void,
of eternal anguish and sorrow
my life so became
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
So much darkness and depth in these words. Telling us what you feel you have become and the way your life is

I looked to the heavens above,
hoping for a sign
Cheating myself,
to dreams that amounted to nothing

Then a soft breeze passes by
Reality hits
and my mind freezes

I wonder,
with the life i led,
will they let me in?

I think this poem is awesome. The emotions, the way it is written and the words expressed.

Thiking about your life as a whole and then it hits you - what you have made your life to be. There's the lack of confidence that you will get into Heaven's gates.

The title of the poem ties well with the last line. You never mentioned anything about Heaven in the poem but with the name of the poem, you knew exactly what you were talking about. I LOVED THAT

Also on a personal note - I believe God loves everyone

x well done

x

I do not know what else I could add, everything I want to say has been said. :)
Wonderful and amazing!

Great piece. Good flow and great stanza construction.

Alone i strolled on an empty path,
only with my dreams
and faith of better times

Paints a great picture of what walking an "evil" road might feel like. How one wants to do better, but isn't. My only remark here is that you should capatilize "I", as it always should be.

To reach for the sky,
was my motto
Yet wings, i had none

Once again, amazing. To reach for goodness and heaven, but no wings because all you do are "evil" deeds. Once again, captial I.

Who was i to determine my fate?
but a young boy,
with a feeble mind,
longing to be a man

I get the picture of "young" being the mental state, not necessarily the phyiscal one. As in, a young mind will commit evil, because he does not know better. Which is reinforced by "with a feeble mind". A man is obvious someone who has grown up, hence perhaps knows better.

I stared in the mirror
and heard voices
My conscience was trying to speak,
but the words fell on deaf ears

Speaks legions about how one doesn't always listen to one's conscience.

Lost in the abyss,
trapped in a dark void,
of eternal anguish and sorrow
my life so became

Unable to grow up, because you are unable to hear your conscience. Perfect and love the out come of it, well the forming of the stanza, not the anguish ;).

I looked to the heavens above,
hoping for a sign
Cheating myself,
to dreams that amounted to nothing

Then a soft breeze passes by
Reality hits
and my mind freezes

I wonder,
with the life i led,
will they let me in?

Great ending. I love the question.
5/5

Perfect.

A interesting poem with a thought many people have during their life time at one time or another. I like your approach to the topic but still this general discussion has been overused so I see this entire poem as a little cliche. However, I liked the poem for what it had in it. You had many thoughtful questions and also a good steady flow with some imagery here and there.

You do have a good talent and I liked how you went about writing this poem. You have a good over structure and flow and run of images throughout the poem that gives it creativity and a poetic touch. I'd like to see you try more challenging topics and maybe even a form or two.

Overall, I am impressed with the content but I find this topic overused so I'm not totally blown away as I could be but I don't have to be blown away but I know you can write some good poems. Great job and keep writing!

Damn very good the last lines wrap it all up and ask one of the most powerful questions known to man. I just liked it through and through. Another good one man.

I really enjoyed this piece, I can completely relate to making a bad choice even though my concious told me to do otherwise, which later made me ask myself what would God say? 5/5