Who knew I would ever feel this again?
What happened to happiness and my new best friend?
The sober bliss was great, near year,
now here is uncertain hate.
Feelings of before,
ones I thought I had no more.
Thoughts and ideas, memories trigger,
These obscured but real feelings-- I try to remember.
Reminders and desires,
going back to when I could not get any higher.
None of it is real,
but it is stuff I had to had felt and deal.
Do I want it again?
I am a different person-- once again.
I do as I promise,
I am not in the shadows harness--
but why?
Why do these ideas appear?
I have more control,
so there is less fear of this alternative soul.
Innocence born with-- keeps on fighting,
my adapted self keeps trying.
Myself has returned and how clearly I see
and how different I feel.
Seeing less evil, my other convinces me otherwise.
It brings me to tears,
It tears me apart--
These feelings, they are gone, though they always
find where to start.
Once so near brings the familiar that much easier.
