Resistance

by Yakari Gabriel   Jan 20, 2012


I loved you,
I loved you hard,
like furious raindrops
that drilled holes in the floor when they fell,
hard like antique wooden tables,
those which were too fine to sell,
because their durability seemed ageless
and there for they were priceless,

hard like long days,
those you just don't see an end to,
those that make you so desperate
you run from wall to wall just to kill the time
that otherwise would kill you..

you used to be the light of my life.

I held you within,
like wombs held embryos,
like children held memories

and in my eyes,
your wisdom was far more glorious
than any sunrise,
any sunset,
any moonlight..

I adored you,
I did,
like aztecs adored their gods.
you,me and the stars know
how much I sacrificed -

but,
you gave me your back,
you gave it to me like the sun gives
it to the moon,
to constantly remind it
that they can't be together
for the opposite of love,
is not hate,its indifference..

your silence fell on me,
like snowflakes on the homeless
and its killing me,
slowly,
like years kill bedtime stories
and it hurts more than having
your heart ripped out of you,
it hurts like boiling oil
that has been teased with water,
and it sparks with
pain making a mess all over the place..

Not having you has
me empty,
empty like a cloudless sky,
like a childless house.

I can barely face my days,
but through it all,
I want you to know that I'm trying-

the impact you left
haunts my days,
my dreams,
and I fight like trees fight the wind

because,
if you ever happen to come back,
I don't want you to find me crumbled.

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by OneLife

    Not having you has
    me empty,
    empty like a cloudless sky,
    like a childless house.

    I liked it.Deeply heartfelt write

  • 12 years ago

    by jaime

    Wow really deep I can relate I like it <3

  • 12 years ago

    by Karla

    Resistance makes me think of Physics and of an object which opposes an electric current through it. However I am in doubt if the resistant object here is the lyrical subject who insists on being attached to a situation which is completely stagnant since as it can be seen his/her love is not retributed or if it was, it has somehow lost the first sparkles or if the resistant object is his/her lover who is blind to his/her feelings and ignores him/her.

    I loved you,
    I loved you hard,like furious raindrops
    that drilled holes in the floor when they fell,
    hard like antique wooden tables,
    those which were too fine to sell,
    because their durability seemed ageless
    and there for they were priceless,

    There is a problem with punctuation here. I suppose a comma is not necessary: "I loved you hard,like furious raindrops" but I must say that the comparison of the act of loving and wooden tables is very interesting because wood as it is widely known in Chinese symbolism or even in Feng Shui as an energy which is in constant motion just like love is when it begins. Therefore the metaphor used deepens the superficial meaning of durability and eternity. I don't know whether it was intentional or not but it was very effective in the context.

    hard like long days,
    those you just don't see an end to,
    those that make you so desperate
    you run from wall to wall just to kill the time
    that otherwise would kill you..

    Again there is another simile here comparing love and subliminary, time itself although the context focuses now on the lover. He/She is shown as a being at a crossroad, in need of something beyond his/her reach and again it is explicit that he/she couldn't see how deep he/she was loved and supported.

    you used to be the light of my life.

    Well some would say that "you used to be the light of my life" is a bit cliche but I find it very effective here since the poem is about a lost love and how deep the separation affected the narrator. Light symbolizes rebirth/ revelation. Love has a strange power over people: it can resurrect and annihilate at the same time. Maybe the intensity of the feeling revealed to the narrator another facet of life and as a result he/she resurrected. In another words, he/she saw the light.

    and in my eyes,
    your wisdom was far more glorious
    than any sunrise,
    any sunset,
    any moonlight..

    I adored you,I did,
    like aztecs adored their gods.
    you,me and the stars know
    how much I sacrificed -

    The narrator states he/she adored his/her lover. The verb adored couldn't be better used in the context. Adoration is only for those who are able to sacrifice themselves for a god/goddess. Self-sacrifice and dedication are sine qua non conditions in many religions so this love was almost a religion, an act of faith. But the moment love demands more than one can give, it is not love anymore. Aztecs sacrificed many people to make their gods happy. I wonder if all the sacrifice was worth for the narrator. Besides this love reconnected the narrator to his god inside that's why it was so different and special.

    but,
    you gave me your back,
    you gave it to me like the sun gives
    it to the moon,
    to constantly remind it
    that they can't be together
    for the opposite of love,
    is not hate,its indifference..

    your silence fell on me,
    like snowflakes on the homeless
    and its killing me,
    slowly,
    like years kill bedtime stories
    and it hurts more than having
    your heart ripped out of you,
    it hurts like boiling oil
    that has been teased with water,
    and it sparks with
    pain making a mess all over the place..

    Thie stanzas above reminded me of The Letters of a Portuguese Nun. This book was written by Soror Mariana Alcoforado and you see all her pain when the man she was involved with, turns his back on her. The scandal was immense. His indifference led her to live a life of penance and suffering just like the narrator here.

    "your silence fell on me"

    Silence here suggests emotion in itself.It is a transgression, it is beneath linguistic expression, it is a phenomenon, a form for emotion to occur.It is pure synesthesia, it can only be attained by indirect means.So the narrator here listens the voice of the beloved: a voice which refuses to say anything or maybe what he/she wants to hear.

    Not having you has
    me empty,
    empty like a cloudless sky,
    like a childless house.

    I can barely face my days,
    but through it all,
    I want you to know that I'm trying

    Here there is the idea of completeness through love. The narrator is empty, the light is off. Silence is all around speaking. The narrator tries to be unattached but his/her lover still makes him/her whole. It is a very romantic idea of love that we can find in this stanza. When we describe romantic love, we usually associate it with feelings such as "she completes me" or "he is my other half". Somehow, we have been led to believe that we are not complete unless we are united with our counterpart--that someone special who fills the void in our life.

    the impact you left
    haunts my days,
    my dreams,
    and I fight like trees fight the wind

    because,
    if you ever happen to come back,
    I don't want you to find me crumbled.

    Again this piece suggests the idea of romantic love: the waiting for the one who completes us. However the lyrical subject is courageously trying to show a strength he/she can't find anymore and sacrifice is implicit in this attitude.My questions are: do this waiting, sacrifice and pain worth? Does love have to be such a pain?

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