I think back to when i was a kid
I try to remember the days of innocence
But it seems like those days never existed
No matter what i do i cannot find a happy place
When i look in the mirror i hate what i see
I see no beauty
No smile
No laughter
I see an ugly girl who is twice as ugly on the inside
Nothing but twisted expressions and morbid thoughts
I dont want to die but i hate being alive too
Every day i loose more and more reasons to not kill myself
I can count the ones remaining on one hand
And eventually those wont mean anything anymore either
I hate hearing about the possibilities to get help because help doesnt help me anymore
I pretend like it does
Sometimes i even have myself convinced for a while
But then the pain comes back and i grow numb again
I just want to give in and give up
I can't even see the hope that everyone says is there
Feels like just another lie
Another lie to add to the mountain of lies, false hopes, and broken promises
I see the possibilities but i also see the possible pain
And i want to run
So hard and fast that i out run the pain, the past, and the self hatred that seems to consume me now
But i cant run
And i cant hide
So i scream until i have no voice
And i cry until i have no tears
And by the end of it i just hate myself a little bit more..
