Vinicius

by Karla   Mar 7, 2012


When she finally saw him,
he was two years old
and was quiet, watching tv
on the sofa as if the whole world
was a shell of silence.
Time and work had blinded her.
(why can't we pay attention to people?)

It was January
when the sun started to melt
her wings.
She tried to deny the evidences
of fate, soaring high once more,
looking for clouds to darken her vision
and tremulous heart.

She didn't want to cry
observing his nights and endless days
of quiet distance.
Was he deaf?
Was he dumb?
Was he?

Can you hear me?
Repeat with me.
Hey there, I am here.
Hellooooooo

He was the only one
living in his life.

When the answer crept towards her,
she knelt down,
pressed her forehead on the ground
and groaned, cursing
the setting sun and the gods.

Life sat down
and waited for her strength.
Leaves fell,
flowers bloomed and withered,
rain flooded her hope.

She learnt him
and learnt with him
how to fish courage
and extract force from the winds.
For me she is a winner
and if you ask me:
would you ever take your hat off to anybody?
I would always say:
yes, to that woman who learnt
how to be a mother again.

Karla Bardanza
For J and V

"Autism, is part of my child, it's not everything he is. My child is so much more than a diagnosis."
Sandra L Coelho, The World According to August - One Good Friend

My blogs:
http://asmoonsewsthesatinstars.blogspot.com
http:skycladatmidnight.tumblr.com

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Latest Comments

  • 12 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Even without your dedication it was painfully obvious that the child is autistic. You capture the experience so adeptly! Although some diagnoses are made earlier, it's common for the characteristics to show up around two, as in your poem. Your description of her denial stage is nothing short of poignant. Then, you step in with the assurance of a true wordsmith: "life sat down and waited for her strength." Absolutely reaffirms both the courage she discovered and your own understanding that frailty is not necessarily a weakness. You exude compassion and acceptance in your work.
    I have worked with autistic children and two close friends are blessed with teenagers who are each graduating high school this year. One has even been mainstreamed and may eventually be wholly self-sufficient. It is not so much a handicap as it is an accommodation to be made. I cheer your friend.

  • 12 years ago

    by Decayed

    Karla.. Karla...
    I'm so very proud of having you as a Kite Runner.
    Your poetry has a special chamber in my heart. I can trace your style between 1000 poems combined!

    Here, people rarely know about Autism, and if it happens and they knew, they would just run away from the problem... they don't want to face the truth of this psychological problem.

    Autistic children mainly need love... and care. You have artistically brought this problem into words, I felt I was attached deeply, from head to toe.

    ----

    as if the whole world
    was a shell of silence.

    ^ oh, what a beautiful way to sum the autism case within these two lines... so poetic, Karla, so crisp, yet devastating.

    Time and work had blinded her.
    (why can't we pay attention to people?)

    ^ You just don't show one aspect of the problem, but you stressed on the fact of parents' neglect. Why don't they pay attention to their child?? And if they do, it would be very late.

    Superbly true!

    She tried to deny the evidences
    of fate, soaring high once more,
    looking for clouds to darken her vision
    and tremulous heart.

    ^ As if saying... she ran from the truth. She didn't want to believe her son was autistic. She was going to leave her motherhood aside just because she had to fight.... beautiful, beautiful!

    ------------------------------
    Was he deaf?
    Was he dumb?
    Was he?

    Can you hear me?
    Repeat with me.
    Hey there, I am here.
    Hellooooooo

    ^ Ah... you always leave me speechless. Those simple lines are loaded with torment and anguish. I can envision this.... the mother, yelling desperately thinking her child is deaf ... insane.... The echo of 'Hellooooo' .... I'm really out of words, for this tore me.

    -------

    When the answer crept towards her,
    she knelt down,
    pressed her forehead on the ground
    and groaned, cursing
    the setting sun and the gods.

    ^ When people face the truth, they surrender... their vision darkens, and they lose faith instantly. It's life... that's why we should learn to stay strong, and real faith is conveyed during rough times. Don't you agree with me that it's a matter of test?

    ----

    Life sat down
    and waited for her strength.
    Leaves fell,
    flowers bloomed and withered,
    rain flooded her hope.

    ^ It just takes time to prepare one's self to face the truth... to fight fiercely. Some people fail to, but others need time... rarely some gain instant strength. It's a matter of build up.

    KARLA, You are a goddess!

    ----
    She learnt him
    and learnt with him
    how to fish courage
    and extract force from the winds.
    For me she is a winner
    and if you ask me:
    would you ever take your hat off to anybody?
    I would always say:
    yes, to that woman who learnt
    how to be a mother again.

    ^ In the first line, I think it should be: she 'taught' him

    - 'fish courage' --> that sounds amazing.

    - I love the incorporation of your own view of this case. I love the ending!!! totally creative.... she learned to be a mother again!!!

    She almost lost her motherhood because of running from the truth.... but then she decided to deal with the problem, fight it, and winning just comes slowly.

    Hats off, not only for the mother, but for you also, for smoothly being able to enlighten us on this case, how parents deal with it, and the internal responses they face during their hardship.

    Beautiful!!! A winner, hopefully, next week!!

  • 12 years ago

    by TJ Arizona Eagle

    Karla you are the only one that leaves me speechless.
    this moved me, choked me up as I read. Holding back tears wasn't easy.
    When I worked on the ranch we had classes of Autistic children that came in some responded amazingly to the experience others were still lost in their own world.
    Excelllent Queen of Romance

  • 12 years ago

    by Ronel McCarthy

    Beautiful poem Karla

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    An amazing piece. I have seen in the news how some teachers treat kids with autism. They don't know that they need more patience and a little more attention than others. So the teachers get frustrated and well.. they end up in the news. And yeah, it must be difficult for parents, but love works like magic and can do wonders.

    This is an interesting topic and I will surely look more into it. The poem is amazing, I can't find any problem in it.