Thinking Of You

by Maria Chatziilia   Jun 3, 2012

I made my hair, it looks great.
I made myself something to eat, it's delicious.
I played with my dog, she's so funny.
I redecorated my room, it was so refreshing.
I found stuff I had lost months ago, I smiled.
Told my mom I love her, I felt I was home.
But I'm not home. Because my mind is here,
but my heart is not.
And the thing is that I know where it is,
where it has been all year.
You have it, and I can't take it back.
I know you want me to, but I just can't.
I know I should let go, I know It means nothing,
But how could I ever let go of you?

I look at old pictures of me and laugh,
I was so innocent and adorable,
couldn't imagine how broken I'd be one day.
I chose what to wear and put make up on.
I felt confident and beautiful and strong.
I stopped whispering to listen to the rain.
I drew an imaginary friend, I wasn't lonely.
Did so many things that could once
make me happy,
but can't even compare to the feelings
you gave me.
Maybe they are right, I miss the memories
and not the person.
But you were the person
who gave me those memories.
And even if the bad ones w
ere more than the good ones,
I would still choose to be with you.
I don't care where, when,
only want to be with you.
But I understand you don't love me like I do.
I know you are with someody else now
you're completely happy and I respect that.
But I can still dream about us, right?
I don't harm anyone. I don't hurt anyone.
Well, I do hurt myself by wishing for someone
I'll never have. But you won't know.

I just can't erase you from my life,
you were once so important to me,
you meant everything to me,
I couldn't imagine my life without you.

Now I'm living it, and believe me it sucks.
For Christmas, I wanted you. Only you.
Not colourful bracelets that I Love,
not necklaces that I'm obsessed with,
not anything that other girls would die for.
Only you. The imperfect one. The weirdo;

You broke my heart 5 days ago.
And you know what? I only wanted YOU.
When you said I should move on,
did you even realize how difficult that is?
I won't move on, I can't move on.
Because I simply CAN'T forget what we had.
What I thought we had. It's always on my mind.
I never stopped thinking about
what we could've been.
Something more than lovers.
Partners and best friends.
But it was too much to ask and you walked away.
And that's okay, You didn't love me.
You couldn't force yourself to so you left.
It's alright, I understand, don't worry.

I Am not blaming you, not anymore.
I now know it wasn't easy for you either.
But tell me this, do you KNOW how much I cried?
How many days I spent just laying in my bed,
bringing your face in front of me,
missing your eyes?
Do you find yourself thinking of me?
Missing me, just for once? Do you?
Because that's how I spend every single day.
I still love you.
And I think I will for a long time to come.


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments