Letter To Heaven

by Baby Rainbow   Jul 10, 2012


I couldn't write this before you died,
but believe me when I say I tried.
So I'm sitting here now with my paper and pen,
writing this like I should have back then.
They said you were ill but never why,
I didn't know you were going to die.
I remember when I was only eight,
and you picked me up from the school gate.
I held your hand as we walked home,
when I was with you I was never alone.
But now you're gone, no longer here,
living without you was my biggest fear.
If only I could turn back time,
I'd tell you this big secret of mine.
So many times you questioned me,
but I was too ashamed to let you see.
He made me do things I couldn't understand,
I thought I was bad and that you'd let go of my hand.
I needed you then more than ever,
but I was scared you would leave me forever.
He trained me so well not to cry,
said that he would make you die.
He warned me not to cuddle you,
but I didn't think it would come true.
Until the day your hair fell out,
that was when I felt my doubt.
You stayed in hospital for a while,
the nurse said you were too weak to smile.
It was all my fault, I was to blame,
I broke the rules to his evil game.
I knew not to touch you but I cuddled you still,
everyone I touched I made them ill.
I begged and begged him to make you well,
he said this would teach me not to tell.
I did everything he wanted for one whole week,
and from then on I refused to speak.
No one ever questioned it or ever understood,
everyone thought I was just in a mood.
Then I heard you were going to die,
but just to protect you I still didn't cry.
And one day after school mum said,
the hospital phoned and gran is dead.
Through the night you slipped away,
and still there were no words to say.
I climbed the stairs and jumped on my bed,
as the news sank in that you were dead.
You had gone and left me behind,
but there was a huge worry in my mind.
From up in heaven you would see,
the things those monsters do to me.
You'd find the answers to the questions you asked,
and see the truth behind the pain I masked.
The thought of this just breaks my heart,
i wish I had told you from the start.
I'm sorry I caused you so much pain,
but I will never hurt anyone ever again.
I have learned not to touch, not to let people near,
because killing someone else is something that I fear.
I hope that you don't hate me gran,
and please forgive me if you can.
Every time I think of you, I think of what I've done,
I always empty out the pills, they make me feel so numb.
I feel so trapped gran and there's nothing I can do,
but I know they cannot hurt me if I come home to you.
There's things I can't escape from which you've probably seen by now,
I try so hard to stop them but I really don't know how.
I miss you gran it's been too long,
I'm giving up I can't go on.
Just give me time to say goodbye,
and then I'll join you in the sky.
Together like we used to be,
Safe and happy, my gran and me.

Safe and happy,
I am free.

Saffie
21

4/7/12

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  • 13 years ago

    by Lioness

    Lovely this poem is entirely and utterly heartbreaking. I really don't know what to say but this piece has moved me completely.

    My eyes were swelling up reading this and I felt like crying. I really hope this did not happen to you for it should not happen to anyone. If it was I am completely sorry.

    Though I must have to say that this poem makes me think of ocd in a way, there's a connection that I can feel.

    For me if I don't do the right things with my ocd, the rituals the right way, I feel like something bad will happen. I can see why this person may end up having OCD, especially when they were always taught that something they did would cause someone to die. That is one of my fears with OCD. That someone will die, something bad will happen. You did an amazing job with this piece but I am so sorry if it is something that you have experienced yourself, or even someone else.

    Awesome write

    x

  • 13 years ago

    by Unknown

    Wow...that is so heartbreaking.
    I am in awe and I seriously hope it's nothing personal and just a story. It is terrible that the man made the girl think that her touch caused the death of her grandmother. :(

    I noticed you fixed the small errors Purple Rose pointed out, it did make everything flow better. The only thing I would like to point out is some punctuation. I think you should add some commas every other line since you seem to put it as a sentence every two lines. For example:

    "I couldn't write this before you died,
    but believe me when I say I tried.
    So I'm sitting here now with my paper and pen,
    writing this like I should have back then."

    To me having every line capitalized distracts me and I think it's a new sentence being formed when it's not. So, I think it would sound better with the commas, it lets the reader know when to pause and helps flow better. However, if you like how it is, then leave it be... just my opinion.

    As for a title... hmmm... since you said in the beginning you were writing her a letter since you didn't get to... maybe "Never Too Late" ... or "A Letter to Heaven" .. "My Letter to Gran" .. only a few, I wish I could come up with something else but that's all I got for now, lol.

    Overall, this is a fantastic piece! :)

  • 13 years ago

    by Ann

    You did a amazing job with this! It's so sad but it's so beautiful written.
    You should think a title by yourself though.

  • 13 years ago

    by Purple Rose

    These lines, the tenth pair,

    'I needed you then more than I ever did
    But I was scared you would leave me forever.'

    Don't exactly rhyme together. The threw off the flow of the poem, however I don't know if you did this on purpose, or if you just could not find any rhyming words.

    35th line, 'I done everything he wanted for one whole week' - 'done' is supposed to be 'did' because it is the past tense of 'do'

    50th line, 'The things the mosters do to me.'- 'mosters' is supposed to be 'monsters.' I would change the second 'the' to 'those' because it makes them (the monsters) sound more terrible.

    65th line, you have a contraction - cant.

    Wow, this is very, very sad story. I like the idea that you used - a sick man made the girl think that he caused her grandma to die - it made the man sound like a devil. I don't know if he did, but it sounded like she had cancer. I can only imagine the guilt that the little girl would feel.

    I love reading your work, because you write so well. Out of all the poems that I have read, each is a different story. The rhyming is also spectacular, but there are very few that have little mistakes.

    I have no idea what you would put for the title...maybe something like, 'I'm so sorry.' I am not very good with titles... :S

    Excellent
    5/5

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