Cold

by Maple Tree   Jan 21, 2013


Your eyes lit up like a bonfire in
July, roasting my desire to kiss the
forbidden heat, radiating from
the look upon your face.

The view from a window in
your heart has caged
me in the depths
of an ice age, whispers
turn to snowflakes, it's cold
inside the circumference
tomb you've built.

You garnish me with
pelts of a polar bear,
so I may be deceived
to fall for your kindness,

however-

I'd rather travel around the sun,
burn to ashes, kissing the
breeze farewell, than
live in the frigid temperatures
of your igloo soul....

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  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Your eyes lit up like a bonfire in
    July, roasting my desire to kiss the
    forbidden heat, radiating from
    the look upon your face.

    - there is so much description in this little opening, each line makes a different image as if it is little flash cards of a movie and you are describing each one to tell it. I get the scene of a night time that is dark and there are two people in front of this bon fire, perhaps two people that should not be together? Or more so that they can be together but it will be more damaging to you than healthy but yet you feel yourself unable to resist?

    The view from a window in
    your heart has caged
    me in the depths
    of an ice age, whispers
    turn to snowflakes, it's cold
    inside the circumference
    tomb you've built.

    - love the description here and the metaphors, it shows how you become trapped inside their heart and I love the contrast of a loving heart being so warm and nice but yet you feel cold and isolated inside this heart. I sense regret also here for getting into it in the first place.

    You garnish me with
    pelts of a polar bear,
    so I may be deceived
    to fall for your kindness,

    - I like the mention of the polar bear because it adds to the feeling of the cold. It is like you realise now that you have been fooled into believing they are something better than what they actually are. The kindness was just a mere trap to entangle you in their power.

    however-

    I'd rather travel around the sun,
    burn to ashes, kissing the
    breeze farewell, than
    live in the frigid temperatures
    of your igloo soul....

    - absolutely love your ending, the descriptions are amazing of how you show you would rather do anything else but remain a part of their heart and belong to them. It is like you go form one extreme to the other, you would rather burn from the suns heat and die, than freeze from the coldness in their heart.
    Also love the idea of someones heart being an igloo, very strong metaphor as it shows immediatly what type of person they are to have such a cold heart.

    Love this job, well done.

  • 11 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    First off Andrea, you smacked Round 1 with this piece, I was in awe reading it, and then I went back and read the judges comment in thread and re-read this piece again...here are my ideas.

    Your eyes lit up like a bonfire in
    July, roasting my desire to kiss the
    forbidden heat, radiating from
    the look upon your face.

    ^^The first thing you get here is love, and admiration, but one that is maybe not meant to be, or a tentative first step...the look I sense is one of desire, and lust and the use of this heat with the title is a contrast that leaves you wanting to keep reading.

    The view from a window in
    your heart has caged
    me in the depths
    of an ice age, whispers
    turn to snowflakes, it's cold
    inside the circumference
    tomb you've built.

    ^^Then the title comes into play, and the view is one that is forbidden, a love that will never be more than just a desire, the tomb I sense is a recluse from the thoughts and feelings that the lovers feel, and the guy in question knowing it should not be tempted to further...

    You garnish me with
    pelts of a polar bear,
    so I may be deceived
    to fall for your kindness,

    ^^^I love Polar Bears, but they can be fierce as all bears can, and that metaphor I love here

    however-

    I'd rather travel around the sun,
    burn to ashes, kissing the
    breeze farewell, than
    live in the frigid temperatures
    of your igloo soul....

    ^^^And the ending is one when you realise that this shall not be, as you don't want a love with boundaries, it needs to be free and warm, safe and happy...not this coldness that is tentative.

    Awesome penning, and great use of the prompt,
    Congrats and Good Luck round 2

    xx