Pushing You Away

I want someone to hold me...
Just..anyone but you,
But when I stop and think of it-
I don't think anyone will do.
No one can satisfy my hunger
Or put my pain at ease
I'm starting to believe it's impossible
So stop trying so hard, please.
Im on a high level
Of extreme solitude
I just need to be alone,
I'm not trying to be rude.
I do love you..and I want you-
Want to push you away
Out of fear that you'll hurt me
Or walk away from me, someday.
But you see, I can't let that happen,
I can't let you do it.
I have to hurt you first,
I have to beat you to it.
And I can't let you mean...
Anything to me.
It will only bring heartache,
Pain and misery.
I have to push you away...
I have to leave you first
And take away the possibility
Of you doing something worse.