La Sonrisa

by Blood of a Lion   Feb 15, 2013


Heavy pain,
More like the thundering of rain,
Or so some would say.

A pain between the thighs and a groaning about of ones misery,
A desire bequeathed by ones old attire.

A constant monitor.
Gazing about and studying your movements.
A sycophantic psychopath,
One with the desires of the eyes,
But the desires of the heart be waning.

Enraged by so little as nothing,
And yet so much as an entrance can cause you to become,
A destructive behavior represented in lust.
Deep set and angry ambition for war of the desires.
A heart that endangers the body,
Is in itself an agent of evil and an enemy.

Shackled it must remain,
Until all that is left is its beating against its inner walls.
Even deeper its echo goes,
Roaming and caressing the inner core of one,
If not billions.
The dead call out,
Hushed by the incense of liars,
It breathes as a man,
And yet its desires are not of the flesh,
But of the spirit.

Watching the agony that can be so eloquent and lovely,
As one estranged flower,
That is ripped from its root and cast into the weeds,
To be hidden away from the sight of ones now blind.
Blinded by the desire of the flesh and the ravishing
of ones flesh.

Adieu, no perder la sonrisa.

----
(C)
-By A.D.-

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  • 12 years ago

    by Formidable Muse

    Heavy pain,
    More like the thundering of rain,
    Or so some would say.

    ^ I like the rhythm of this stanza, it's also a nice start.

    A pain between the thighs and a groaning about of ones misery,
    A desire bequeathed by ones old attire.

    ^ Relate able; I can feel the ache here and also the desire to change a part of you to get rid of the pain inside by disposing your old self/nature.

    A constant monitor.
    Gazing about and studying your movements.
    A sycophantic psychopath,
    One with the desires of the eyes,
    But the desires of the heart be waning.

    ^ I noticed that you use A a lot in the first few stanzas, which isn't a bad thing but maybe try switching it up a bit? I've found that challenging yourself with the beginning of a line can make a big difference in how the outcome of a stanza or even poem may be. Some thoughts (:

    Enraged by so little as nothing,
    And yet so much as an entrance can cause you to become,
    A destructive behavior represented in lust.
    Deep set and angry ambition for war of the desires.
    A heart that endangers the body,
    Is in itself an agent of evil and an enemy.

    ^ "A heart that endangers the body,
    Is in itself an agent of evil and an enemy." I love the wisdom in this line, it's so true. Probably my favorite part of the poem.

    Shackled it must remain,
    Until all that is left is its beating against its inner walls.
    Even deeper its echo goes,
    Roaming and caressing the inner core of one,
    If not billions.
    The dead call out,
    Hushed by the incense of liars,
    It breathes as a man,
    And yet its desires are not of the flesh,
    But of the spirit.

    ^ This part is really interesting. I'm trying to decipher it, but can't figure out what you mean. Well I do have an idea but it doesn't quite make sense to this particular part for me. Could you elaborate?

    Watching the agony that can be so eloquent and lovely,
    As one estranged flower,
    That is ripped from its root and cast into the weeds,
    To be hidden away from the sight of ones now blind.
    Blinded by the desire of the flesh and the ravishing
    of ones flesh.

    Adieu, no perder la sonrisa.

    ^ I like the glimmer of hope in the ending, I think it ties the poem up really well. I also really like the form of the entire poem, how it's set up.

    • 12 years ago

      by Blood of a Lion

      Shackled it must remain,
      Until all that is left is its beating against its inner walls.
      Even deeper its echo goes,
      Roaming and caressing the inner core of one,
      If not billions.
      The dead call out,
      Hushed by the incense of liars,
      It breathes as a man,
      And yet its desires are not of the flesh,
      But of the spirit.

      ^ This part is really interesting. I'm trying to decipher it, but can't figure out what you mean. Well I do have an idea but it doesn't quite make sense to this particular part for me. Could you elaborate?
      ----
      Shackled it must remain, (the heart must remain shackled so as not to destroy the body.)
      Until all that is left is its beating against its inner walls, (its only company is itself and its sound that it makes in darkness)
      Even deeper its echo goes, (its pain runs even deeper than the wall can contain)
      Roaming and caressing the inner core of one, if not billions. (Its sound and pain reverberates to the most inner core and causes one to weaken, but it does this not to just one but billions.)
      The dead call out, (the ones who have a deadened heart in this time that some can barely manage to stand when their heart aches.)
      Hushed by the incense or liars, (the pain is crushed and hope is lost by the incense of liars which remains for hours after being lit.)
      It breathes as a man, (the heart begins to take on its life and begins to feel human again)
      And yet its desires are not of the flesh, (most people now adays only have sex on their mind and that's it.)
      But of the spirit. (So it is searching out its own salvation, the end to its pain that cannot be lifted by fulfilling its lust.)

      I hope this answered any questions x)

  • 12 years ago

    by L

    Adieu, no perder la sonrisa.

    ^^ bye, to not lose the smile.

    Everything that I read seemed to sound darkish plus sad but towards the end it seems that no matter what happens... You will still try to smile. :)

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