Your Winter

(Weekly Contest Comment - 3/4/13)

Ah Winter, the most depressive season of them all, its a roller coaster ride... The opening stanza expresses how the cold winter weather can make one feel less attractive to themselves which makes them feel less attractive to someone else. Then in the next stanza they are feeling good because of the attention being paid to them, and then we are back to feeling down because he has left without a reason why or without a care in the world, causing the writer to feel useless because of his selfishness to play with ones heart for his own satisfaction... a very emotional write and very well written (7)

With every new piece of yours you make me fall in love with your poetry more and more. You honestly have a unique way of delivering your emotions so that the reader can easily relate to them. I think what makes your poetry amazing is that you speak directly from your heart, you don't hide or alter anything, you just show us the vulnerability that lingers inside you -inside every poet actually- but you let us in to feel your sadness and your experience.

You are truly a one of a kind poetess!
xxx

Your first stanza you have a lot of strength... the images are really wonderful and I love the thought process -- the bit about the sun not resting on your shoulders really made a lot of sense for me. You don't feel like you're shining, on your game, 100% spot on, and you don't feel good enough, even though you know it's not true.

I love love love the second stanza where you brought in the sunset and kept the theme tied in. This is also a turning point in the poem of realization, and I like that you've laid it out this way.

The third stanza was wordy for me, and while I understand what you were saying, I feel it didn't have the same.. tone? or the same reading as the rest of the poem did. I think maybe this part: "I don't know what it was, but I do know that my desire
to have you minimized when the greatness of your
affection limited its way to my heart"

was the piece that threw my reading off.

And you have me back the ending with a really beautiful closing. The very, very last line of the poem brought the reader to the spot on realization that it clicked for you, and knowing that it's a season... you'll move on, but they're going to consistently have this issue as seasons come and go. This was really beautiful!

Maybe its the way the crisp air cracks my cuticles,
or winters dreadful wind that chaps my lips; perhaps,
its the pale skin I get when the sun doesn't set on my
shoulders that doesn't make me feel good enough-
for you.

its = it is or it's. But given the flow of your poem I would use it's in this case. also winter should be winter's before dreadful wind.
- I think you have used winter perfectly here to describe your feelings and how this person has made you feel. You feel inadequate to their standards which shows they are important to you and you have been trying to impress them but have failed to do so.

Or maybe,

Maybe its the way you clouded me with your attention
that I felt your words were a sunset I could bask in forever.
Perhaps I thought your smile was the reason for my
own beauty, causing a natural reaction to my smile-
meant for you.

- again its should be it's.
- I like how you continue the list of possibilities here and still using the weather to help you describe the emotions. I like how the infection of the smile is inserted here, very powerful tool the smile.

I don't know what it was, but I do know that my desire
to have you minimized when the greatness of your
affection limited its way to my heart. Without word
as to why,without a warning it was happening.

You left me.

- this becomes more deeper and from the heart and seems to be your pain through the words. The words You left me being on their own is very powerful and make them stand out, as to show how much it affected you and hurt you.

Maybe you never wanted me, but if that's the case then
your sweetness would not coat my mind with sugared
promises so real, I can taste their glaze. Reminding me
how you were a fix to my sweet tooth, but bad for my
immune. What were your motives? You never said.

- Great idea of the sweet tooth, it is something that we love and become addicted to, no matter how much harm it causes us and side effects we get later on. very creative.

Maybe...

It was to occupy your loneliness and brutality of this season.

- I think this was a good way to end, to ask them the question but to finish the poem by answering it with what you think is your truth because they have not offered any suggestions. To feel used and betrayed and then thrown away. also works well that you have used this winter season as the excuse as well as the same season to put across your emotions through out the poem.

Nice job Chels.

I can't believe I missed this...what? I don't know if I can comment on this properly, I just find you making the tears escape my eyes when I've used them all up already...damn. How did you pen this so beautifully...and throw all that emotion and thinking in...you got me going over each line, nodding my head...shaking it, thinking what!!?

Chelsey...I am rambling, but I love this!!!