Mamma would be proud

Mamma would be proud;

as even though my heart feels
like a small delicate flower
crushed under two innocent unaware
pairs of children's tiny feet

whilst feeling the last four years
have been a complete sham
a complete and utter waste
of energy and time, of allowing
myself to love once more
even so;

mamma would be proud

because I haven't
allowed
myself to cry.

Not.
one.
single.
tear.

though you tossed
my heart into a blender
keeping it continously
whirling round, shattering
breaking, chopping...

hurting.

Are you proud,
mamma?
I wont allow
myself to cry

not over him.
not this time.