As breathless curtains stir
to melodies of the singing tree
and the smell of old rain lingers
- I stumbled on this verse for a while before I made sense of it. I kept reading it as the curtains stir to the melodies and the smell, however, what you mean is the curtains stir to melodies.... and then the smell of old rain lingers? So perhaps adding a comma before and, so it separates the two and does not make it roll fluently? It just confused me at first, but not sure how else to fix it.
I have been away for a while so have not been reading any poetry, and I was glad to see this on the front page as I enjoy your work and I did enjoy this one.
starting formt he title I rally got drawn in to it, I found the idea very enticing and I had to find out what your yesterdays held.
I adore the imagery of the moon, and the colours you painted in the sky. Followed by the idea of eye contact connecting deeper than what words ever could, I believe our eyes can communicate better sometimes than our voice.
I like the description throughout, making imagery more vivid and clear in the readers mind, easy to imagine and want to be in the scene.
I also like how you begin the poem in one tone, then change onto a hopeful tone, like you are living the memory and feeling it, and then end in the same tone as you began with, bringing reality back into focus, and a sense of loss or sadness.
I was surprised and happy to find a new poem posted! This was a very charming piece... and something quite soulful and relaxing with the idea of being able to drift on a "raft made of yesterdays". To be able to revisit and relish in older memories. This piece was dreamy yet perfectly conveyed those simple moments spent with a special someone, one where you can almost speak in silence and read each other's hearts, without words. Beautiful imagery.... a lovely write! (4)
Hellon's fist stanza left me speechless. The nature tones and visual elegance had me hooked!
It read and flowed like a song... Breathless curtains, dreaming of the sea and the person in her thoughts.. Excellent start to a pretty poem!
Second stanza made my mouth drop! The creativity of moon swinging on a hammock? Oh mercy!! How elegant! The usage of breathless, twice within this poem is very significant in my opinion because this poem is Breathless and is the key to the feelings, that I feel are being displayed here within this piece.
The lingering message and feelings of yesterday, to dream of a memory.. This poem is intoxicating and I am drunk on its words! Love it!!!