Emotional recall

Nothing belongs to me
even my life.
can't say i regret that.
i don't regret anything:
the best challenges tore my eyes
but i've always had a face beneath
this face.

my exposed nerves
and everything i learnt
just to forget soon after the first doubt blurred
my own image made me
deconstruct the stable meanings hidden
in words of fire and fear.
could never say yes easily.
my commitments have always been weird
and dense.maybe they are heavy
and i can't bear the burden of
my arbitrary being anymore.
maybe.

don't ask me
if i lived out loud
as i wished one day.
as far as i am concerned
the most important thing was to make sense
when sense i couldn't find.
and yes, it was painful to feel again
after so many deaths and disenchantment.
i am in process of becoming something
but i don't know what.
yet.
but i can assure you
nothing can be more beautiful than
the possibility of wearing somebody else's shoes.
it is when you re-encounter life.

karla bardanza
http://karlabardanzapoems.blogspot.com
http://poeticpostcards.blogspot.com