A Lit Candle

by Everlasting   Jan 30, 2015


Listen brother,

no matter what, I am a lit candle
on the table of time:
burning, melting,
until the winds of destiny
blow up the flame of my life.

Thus no matter what,
I'll be with you to lighten your dark times.
Just keep me close on the desk of your life.
I'll help you see
what you can feel but can't see
unless there was light;

Like the lady that writes
of sorrows and of life
while you and I,
support each other
during the nights
when even stars
are afraid to come out.

    report violation
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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Sunshine

    How beautiful and sweet of you!
    This is very genuine poem; few are those friends who'd be ready to lighten up our life in bad and good.

    I loved the significance of death and life in wind and candle; once yours is off as in departing this life; very faithful :)

    "I'll help you see what you can feel but not see"
    ^
    that's really a nice warm line; sometimes we really need true friends to help us understand.
    I can relate to that line.

    I was really keen of your last stanza, it was well and neatly written. It was a very nice picture to imagine.

    Other than the content, I found your structure to be coherent which made everything in the poem smooth.

    I have few suggestions;

    -capitalize the title, into A Lit Candle;
    -also this word starting a new sentence :
    thus : Thus

    -and I genuinely believe that it's better to replace
    the " :" by semicolons ";" since they are used to explain or elaborate. But it's your poem I just think it looks a bit off of literature when you replace the semicolon by them.

    Keep the amazing poems coming <3

    • 9 years ago

      by Everlasting

      Thank you Rania, I have taken your suggestions.

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