Waiting forever at the cross roads of life

Each time he seeks me, after eons have passed.
Unashamed, hope raises its head;
With the blink of an eye I fool myself;
Yet again I believe, its love knocking on my door.
Rosy glow rising up my face, my heart missing a beat;
I rush to meet him, knowing well,
I am going to be left out in the cold.

Conversations begin, somewhere in between,
With casual words about mundane routines
Giving a false sense of continuity....
My mind screams, it's been ages since we've met.
He had hung up with a 'call you soon' note.
And now, out of the blue he barges in,
Without any regret or remorse.

When he comes it seems like spring, everything is in bloom.
And when he is gone, it's like a never ending winter's spell.
Here today, gone tomorrow, without a hope I wait.
This coming and going, his whimsical ways,
It's slowly, stealthily, shredding my soul.

Loyalty, no one cares for,
Love no one needs.
But instilled within me are foolish traits like these.
And time and again they reinstate faith within,
So whenever we meet I wear my heart on my sleeve.

As time passes by, tears endlessly flowing;
Memories of mine have started blurring, into blank walls and empty corridors.
Numbness sets in, uncertainties surmount.
Sad it is, that even the silver in my hair hasn't made me wise,
Like a teenager still floundering,
I find myself once again waiting, standing all alone out in the cold.

Waiting forever at the crossroads of life,
Undecided which way to go,
Should I Break free or Let it be,
Could this be true love, cause it never dies?
Just ebbs in and out like ocean tides.
And if not, has love completely eluded me this life time;
If that is so, the next time I should just refuse to answer the door.

Jay

Sept 2015