Expressive! The power of music, most often claimed to soothe the savage beast, is transformed here to stifle the savaged breast. You are shown here literally losing your "self" in music. First it helps ("chases the dragons of my mind"); then you realize "music cant take away the pain."
[Minor point, cant = can't]
In fact, it appears the emotional content of your pain is exacerbated by the music: "Thunderous waves over my heart / bitter tones that make me smart."
The stifling of emotion is actually enabled by music:
"music takes away my speech / ... / No pain will they ever glean"
Until you have built an impenetrable wall sealing off all intimate discovery, using the metaphor of death - representing the death of spirit and love.
"close my heart and soul / bolster up with heaps of coal / through the shadow of my grave / hear the music glad heavens wave."
The tone of this reaches my heart. The loss of someone is a shadow we can't ever seem to evade. You expressed so much in this piece and I love how much your words flowed too, especially with the rhyme, didn't feel forced.
Congrats on the win and welcome to PnQ! Please keep writing.
Loss is so painful and by writing we hope it eases the pain somewhat...but loss never leaves or never fades and the pain is always there. I like your usage of words and how each stanza flows and ties itself into the next till the finish. Beautifully sad and beautifully penned.
This poem shows great sadness and depth of emotion. Can see why it is a winner
4 years ago
This really is beautiful yet very emotional. It gave me goose bumps. There's a sense of serenity and calm within it though and I could feel it because the dead are at rest. It's kind of hard to explain but I felt quite calmed reading this after a busy morning.
Your rhythm is kept throughout which keeps it running smooth.
Congratulations on the win, well deserved. Em
There is a very relatable theme to this piece. We have all had those moments. Milly has put that time to good use and written it down. Lovely use of imagery and scene setting. I like the rhyme although a simplistic scheme it works with the simplicity of the whole piece. Some people may call it raw but I feel it is a little more polished than that. I originally scored this a 7 but switched places with my 10. I would have liked to have seen every line have 8 syllables, there is the odd 7 here and there. However Milly has not suggested that all lines have the same syllable count therefore it would be mean on my behalf to fault it. Poetry, particularly free verse knows no boundaries. 10 points